Comments on The Writer Chic: Sunday's church update: epic fail

Oh Monica, How sorry I am that you had to endure a...

2009-06-22T16:29:57.489-04:00

Oh Monica,
How sorry I am that you had to endure a service like that! If only you lived here with me, I would've been that person to ask how you were and to give you that much needed hug. So you know already how weepy I am lately, so I'm crying for you once again. Although I'm so sorry you had to go through an extremely rough 1st service, I'm thankful for your post. It was a reminder to me as a woman and as a pastor's wife to never forget those who have lost babies, especially the one lady in my church who lost her baby boy about the same time you lost Duncan. Dan and I (especially me)are thinking of you always and keeping you in our prayers. Love you tons!

oh my, how insensitive some can be rather than bei...

2009-06-14T23:43:54.812-04:00

oh my, how insensitive some can be rather than being supportive. There's not much more that I can say that hasn't already been said. I sure wish you went to our church. You would be met with loving and open arms every single week :)

How arrogant and insensitive; I can't believe ...

2009-06-11T08:21:06.972-04:00

How arrogant and insensitive; I can't believe someone who's been through it could say something so careless. It will hurt forever; but it will hurt less as time goes on.

I am in shock.... seriously? How in Gods name coul...

2009-06-10T12:49:56.599-04:00

I am in shock.... seriously? How in Gods name could someone say something like that out loud? there are tears in my eyes and I don't even know you personally. I found your blog through a prayer request when your son passed away and have been coming back ever since, to see how your doing and to pray that somehow you all find your way through this process to some sort of comfort. How do you now find comfort in the place thats supposed to be the most comforting? Again I am so so sorry.

Monica - I cannot believe that a woman who has e...

2009-06-09T11:56:39.472-04:00

Monica -

I cannot believe that a woman who has experienced the pain of miscarriage would allow those words to leave her lips. I wish I was there with you at church that day so that I could have hugged you when you needed it.

You're right - no words are necessary, especially when they are words like those.

Val

God Bless you and your family! I am so very sorry ...

2009-06-09T06:53:54.699-04:00

God Bless you and your family! I am so very sorry for your loss and the pian you are feeling!

Hugs sent from Ohio, dear friend.

2009-06-09T00:33:19.532-04:00

Hugs sent from Ohio, dear friend.

You've almost got me in tears - scratch almost...

2009-06-08T23:58:24.047-04:00

You've almost got me in tears - scratch almost. What a horrifying thing she said. And sadly, nearly everyone I know who has suffered a terrible loss like yours has had equally idiotic things said to them. I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you strength for the days ahead.

Monica- I totally understand how you are feeling. ...

2009-06-08T22:47:34.391-04:00

Monica- I totally understand how you are feeling. Tomorrow marks the 4 month mark since I gave birth to our son Mason who was stillborn. This past week was the first service I attended and didn't cry almost the whole time. Satan doesn't want us to go to church but God blesses us by it. I don't know if you've read any books but after we lost our son, I ordered 8 different books that were highly recommended. I'm currently reading Empty Cradle Broken Heart by Deborah Davis and it's been wonderful reading a book that says exactly what i'm feeling and confirms that I'm not going crazy. The biggest thing I've taken away from it is don't set a timeline for your grieving. Let yourself grieve and know that you will have good days and bad and that's ok. Praying for you!

Girl! I'm crying for you right now!! Really, I...

2009-06-08T21:10:04.583-04:00

Girl! I'm crying for you right now!! Really, I am. My heart breaks for you. I've thought of you so much lately. We really need to get together soon! You are too close not to! When you are ready for some crazy company {I'm talking about my kids} let me know!!! I'll even come to you!!!

Hey you. I have sat here for 5 minutes now trying...

2009-06-08T21:02:15.200-04:00

Hey you. I have sat here for 5 minutes now trying to figure out what to write. I know that I have nothing to offer you, I know that you have people in your life now who know first hand the pain you're in, but if you want to chat, vent, whatever I'm around this week. Still love you...

Sorry we weren't there. And I am so sorry tha...

2009-06-08T16:56:37.470-04:00

Sorry we weren't there. And I am so sorry that you had to endure such hurtful comments. Some people just don't think first. Or maybe that's what people expected of her when she lost hers, who knows. Anyway, I'm sorry. There are no right words, but there are definitely wrong ones. I'd like to come by later this week if you are up for it.

Hugging from Chicago....

2009-06-08T16:05:38.539-04:00

Hugging from Chicago....

My wee baby niece was born asleep over 6 years ago...

2009-06-08T15:59:50.335-04:00

My wee baby niece was born asleep over 6 years ago and I know just how raw MY grief can still be so I can only imagine what it is like for her parents. I have my own children and numerous nieces and nephews but I sorely miss my little angel niece.

The woman at church should have known better!

OMG. It really shocks me that somebody who has bee...

2009-06-08T15:08:31.498-04:00

OMG. It really shocks me that somebody who has been through miscarriages would say that. It really goes to show how DIFFERENTLY people can interpret and handle their experiences. But, according to ME, you are the "normal" one, and the official handbook does say that you would still be hurting. Trust me, I checked. ;) I just wish that people weren't such insensitive dopes. I'm so sorry you had to be a sitting duck for her ignorance. I'm glad I checked in on your blog today, and just know that I would definitely hug you if I were there. Duncan will always be a part of you and your family. People who don't get that don't deserve to hug such a wonderful person like you. Much Love, D :)

I’m not sure if you remember me from our State Lin...

2009-06-08T14:29:17.553-04:00

I’m not sure if you remember me from our State Line days… I was a Meade then but I still remember how sweet you were to a lowly junior high cheerleader. I saw the link to your blog a few weeks ago from the PCC alumni list and have been following your posts, debating whether to leave a comment and say hi.
But when I read this post I had to respond, probably from a perspective that few can give.
Last year, a friend of mine delivered a stillborn baby boy named Liam. She was just over two weeks away from her due date.
To give some background, I hadn’t known her for long. I had gotten married about 6 months before and had moved to New England to begin a new life. This friend was probably the closest friend I had made there, but we weren’t the type that would call and talk or spill our souls to each other.
When I heard what had happened, I remember struggling with what to do. A voice in my head told me that she had family nearby to be there for her, that she had friends she had known for years that could comfort her. The first time I saw her at church after it happened, I did come up to her and give her a hug. But I never made the call to find out how she was doing or to see if she needed anything.
Several months later, my friend and I were at a party talking, and she began opening up to me about losing Liam. She told me about the weeks after, everything that had gone wrong and how difficult it had been. And I had to hold back the tears because all I could ask myself was, “Why didn’t I call her? Why wasn’t I there for her?”
I know why I hadn’t been there for her: I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. And ultimately, I was too selfish to face a difficult and uncomfortable situation and put myself out there.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I pray that the people around you will step out of their comfort zones, stop assuming that others are offering you the comfort and support you need, and be there for you.

Wow....Thank you so much for sharing this journey....

2009-06-08T13:49:47.464-04:00

Wow....Thank you so much for sharing this journey...for those of us who have been there and those who havent your stories can help us all be better Christians ... I am so sorry it just truned out so not good but am glad to hear you had your hubby and God sent youan angel friend to be your other shoulder to cry on... I don't really have good words to say and I am dragging onbut I just want you to know that I am praying for you very much and that the third person holdin and hugging you during church was God...

Oh, wow, Monica, that sounds horrible. I am so dre...

2009-06-08T13:12:30.479-04:00

Oh, wow, Monica, that sounds horrible. I am so dreadfully sorry. Still praying for you. :(

Dear Monica, I love what Kelly said in her comment...

2009-06-08T13:04:16.032-04:00

Dear Monica, I love what Kelly said in her comment - I think she said it best and of course can relate a whole lot more than I can. I pray for you every day and know that this road ahead of you is not an easy one.
Here are some hugs from someone who cannot be there in person to give them :(, love ya, Jeanette

I know you have no idea who I am, but I want you t...

2009-06-08T12:51:00.901-04:00

I know you have no idea who I am, but I want you to know that I am thinking and praying for you. I had a miscarriage over 4 years ago and there are still times when I am sad. Worship songs still seem to make me tear up and Blessed Be Your Name just so happens to be one of the worst. I wish people would understand and would know what to say. I've often thought about writing a book on that subject since people just don't know how to act or speak around people who have gone through this. I will be praying for you!.

hugs hugs hugs

2009-06-08T10:51:17.620-04:00

hugs hugs hugs

I havent lost a child, but after my sons diagnosis...

2009-06-08T10:20:25.185-04:00

I havent lost a child, but after my sons diagnosis, I had many of the same experiances at our church. No one seems to miss us, and to be honest I have only been 3 times in 2 years. There is alot more to it,but I know what it is like to go to church needing that fellowship, and only to be left alone.
Im so sorry for your loss.

There is no book and no right way to handle it. Do...

2009-06-08T09:25:37.729-04:00

There is no book and no right way to handle it. Don't worry. My parents still grieve once in a while. My Dad still won't watch shows on TV about sick kids. My mom still feels hurt when no one acknowledges Bobby's birthday. She still struggles once in a while when people ask her how many kids she has. It doesn't go away, it just gets easier to deal with, at least from what I've seen with them.

Everyone handles loss differently, especially the loss of a child who was taken so early. Be strong for yourself and know that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Others may not understand, but that's okay.

I hope you can grow to feel welcome in your new church and others reach out to you.

Still praying...angie

I remember that first church service after losing ...

2009-06-08T09:17:02.679-04:00

I remember that first church service after losing my Dad...absolutely brutal. And no one said anything close to the comments you heard. No wonder people become disillusioned by church!
I'm glad your friend came to your side when you needed her. And that no matter how distant God may feel right now, that He's there, too.
The above comment by Kelly is beautiful too.
I'm still praying!

I can't imagine someone saying that to me...an...

2009-06-08T08:51:45.817-04:00

I can't imagine someone saying that to me...and me not exploding on that person. There is no right or wrong way to handle grief - each person has their own way. I just can't believe some people sometimes.