Comments on The Writer Chic: Four Months – Alternately titled “Twice”

I agree with you completely. A couple people tried...

2009-09-30T17:44:40.550-04:00

I agree with you completely. A couple people tried to tell me that Duncan's death was a miscarriage, and even though it wasn't me personally going through that trial, it still made me angry to have his birth and homegoing referred to (in my opinion) so cheaply. I'm just sorry that you've heard it enough to have to write about "that" type of statement. Still loving you and praying for you from all these miles away!

This is such a good post...it made me tear up; I w...

2009-09-23T15:33:02.051-04:00

This is such a good post...it made me tear up; I wanted to comment sooner but wasn't sure what to say to make you feel better. I still don't, but wanted you to know I understand and agree!
It does make me feel guilty for calling my loss a miscarriage, but I never did give birth to a breathing or not-breathing baby. Anyhow, you really have a way with words.

Well said. I know exactly how you feel.

2009-09-22T14:16:25.843-04:00

Well said. I know exactly how you feel.

Oh Mon. I know that you are still hurting. And I l...

2009-09-21T16:31:57.491-04:00

Oh Mon. I know that you are still hurting. And I love you. And I pray I say the right things. Not only to you, but to others who have gone through any kind of loss. You are speaking for so many. Hugs!

Very well put, M.

2009-09-20T23:03:04.275-04:00

Very well put, M.

I completely relate. The loss of a baby is horrib...

2009-09-20T19:42:06.706-04:00

I completely relate. The loss of a baby is horrible at any time, but delivery brings it to a whole other level. Each month will bring more healing through the Lord's sufficient grace.

Monica and Jim , i realize what you are going thru...

2009-09-20T08:34:22.810-04:00

Monica and Jim , i realize what you are going thru,as our grandson Kirk Allen past shortly after birth.(he was full term)We got to hear his cry and see his little arms and legs kick, then in less then hour he was gone, he went to the father in heaven.It never gets any easier losing him other then We know God took him home and saved him from much pain and suffering.people try hard to understand , but even if you have been thru such a loss, there are no words to express how they really feel. We have to trust in God and his judgement. Love ya all Aunt Cathi

i lost my son at 18 weeks. i don't know how to...

2009-09-20T02:19:45.375-04:00

i lost my son at 18 weeks. i don't know how to feel about the term "miscarriage" (by technical definition, i was 2 weeks away from having a "stillbirth"). but I was admitted into the hospital and induced after learning my son's heart had stopped beating. i delivered him, held him in my arms, watched my husband rock him, witnessed a priest baptize and bless him. and that is not what i think of when i think of the term "miscarriage."i the most sock-me-in-the-face term that was applied to my loss, however, was "abortion." which is what insurance claims read.

i do feel the same way about people telling me so-and-so had a miscarriage, so-and-so had 4 miscarriages, so-and-so had to have a d&c, when they say in way that is dismissive and trivializes the greatness of this loss i feel. i think it's it said with some sensitivity (e.g., adding "it changed her" or "she still cries for the baby"), it's easier to handle, because it comes from a place that respects the profound impact of losing a child.

i find it horrifying that people refer to the birth and loss of Duncan as "that," and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with people's lack of respect and severely insensitive approach. I pray that those who need it most will find their way to this post and be blessed with more understanding.

God bless.

Very well written. I now have goosebumps.

2009-09-19T20:28:20.500-04:00

Very well written. I now have goosebumps.

This was such a great post, Mon. And you are right...

2009-09-19T18:11:00.177-04:00

This was such a great post, Mon. And you are right... it does get your blood boiling when someone likens the birth and death of your son to a miscarriage. While births and miscarriage have come in sets of two for you, I've had one of each; and as you said, they are NOT the same. Not even remotely close.

The only thing I can think of when people make the comparison is that they truly just really don't know. Losing a baby is such a painful and horrific thing, and it's almost as if those that make the comparison can't allow themselves to full entertain the thought of whit giving birth to and losing a child is really like. And so perhaps it's easier... or somehow safer... to liken it to a miscarriage.

I am so sorry. Your sweet Duncan is not a THAT. I am so sorry for the insensitivity you have been shown. While I know it will start to catch you off guard less often, it certainly doesn't hurt any less.

Praying for you dear friend...

~ Stacy

Sam, you amaze me! Love you Dad!

2009-09-19T17:36:11.705-04:00

Sam, you amaze me! Love you

Dad!

Ugh, I'm sorry those things are said to you. D...

2009-09-19T12:35:43.943-04:00

Ugh, I'm sorry those things are said to you. Duncan was certainly not a miscarriage. You were able to say hello and goodbye and hold him in your arms. It would irk me to for my baby to be referred to as 'that'.

I am glad you are finding healing at Duncan's ...

2009-09-19T12:30:32.191-04:00

I am glad you are finding healing at Duncan's four month birthday. Jenna's four month birthday was yesterday. It was really hard for me, but it is encouraging to read about your experience. I totally understand you saying "twice" about all those things. It is hard when people brush off our babies and their lives. Thank you for sharing this today.

I cannot believe it's been four months already...

2009-09-19T12:23:09.475-04:00

I cannot believe it's been four months already. I still think of little Duncan often and look at the precious pictures. I cannot fathom going through what you have had to go through. :(I am sorry for insensitive people.

Twice. I understand.

2009-09-19T10:13:29.594-04:00

Twice. I understand.

I think, most times, people just don't get it ...

2009-09-19T09:53:30.030-04:00

I think, most times, people just don't get it unless they've walked the same or similar paths. They don't realize that their ignorance causes such pain. I'm so sorry.

Many prayers to you.

Val

Well said, dear sister...well said. Although, I...

2009-09-19T07:53:23.464-04:00

Well said, dear sister...well said. Although, I'm sorry it needed to be said at all...you said it perfectly. Continuing in prayer for you and your beautiful family...

Love to you...

Amen, sister! hugs Some people are just incred...

2009-09-19T07:30:43.409-04:00

Amen, sister! *hugs* Some people are just incredibly ignorant, horribly insensitive, or mildly brain damaged.

Thinking of & praying for you today (as always). Love you, Mon!

Comments on The Writer Chic: Four Months – Alternately titled “Twice”

I agree with you completely. A couple people tried...

This is such a good post...it made me tear up; I w...

Well said. I know exactly how you feel.

Oh Mon. I know that you are still hurting. And I l...

Very well put, M.

I completely relate. The loss of a baby is horrib...

Monica and Jim , i realize what you are going thru...

i lost my son at 18 weeks. i don't know how to...

Very well written. I now have goosebumps.

This was such a great post, Mon. And you are right...

Sam, you amaze me! Love you Dad!

Ugh, I'm sorry those things are said to you. D...

I am glad you are finding healing at Duncan's ...

I cannot believe it's been four months already...

Twice. I understand.

I think, most times, people just don't get it ...

Well said, dear sister...well said. Although, I...

Amen, sister! *hugs* Some people are just incred...

Amen, sister! hugs Some people are just incred...