Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Staying satisfied in the missing

So, the first day of spring was last week.

And everybody has been whining about the absence of sun and warm temperatures, and how the Easter Bunny will need Rudolph’s help to deliver eggs, and how spring chicks need parkas and all that.

And I get it.

But I have to say, that my spring thoughts have bypassed the flowers and the temperatures, and have gone straight to a place that I’m finding unexpected.  I can appreciate the sun, and opening a few windows, but more than those…..I’m longing for my Tennessee home.

I can’t seem to get this photo out of my head:

weekend fun 010

I know it may seems innocuous.  But to me, it captures the essence of peace and tranquility and utter belonging I felt the entire time we lived in our White House home.  Maybe it is because we’ve recently put that home on the market, and I know our ownership of a place where we were so happy is coming to an end….

There were aspects to our time in Tennessee that were hard.  Unexpected.  Disappointing, even.  But our HOME was an amazing place of refuge and fellowship and safety.  I can’t tell you  the number of times I stood at this very kitchen window and thought, “I love this place.  I LOVE this place.”

And I am missing it so….

The mushrooms that sprouted up in the front plant beds after too much rain

flood 2010 002

The sidewalk, with just enough slope to send little cars speeding into the neighbors’ yards

sidewalk race car 007

The view from the central window, where curious eyes could observe and learn in secret

Picture 007

The spot at the bottom of the stairs that was perfect for playing catch

july 2009 023

The kitchen cabinets

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The way that sunlight seemed to always pour in through the back doors

zoo and misc 001

 4.7.11

Our tree out front, that was always – and I mean ALWAYS – the last to lose its leaves

rawr

I miss the little dinette table, and having little friends over for chicken nuggets and grapes

mady seth 003 

The banister, and the unmistakable sound of little feet coming to find me in the morning

holiday misc 010

The view from the back bedroom windows

 seth watch snow fall (3)

Jamie, and her precious family being right up the street.
I miss being able to see her garage door open and shut from my front porch.

school days 006

I’m thankful today for my spacious playroom, don’t get me wrong.
But I also miss having my whole word contained to one room….I do.

end of june 023

I miss the way this room felt….I miss the anticipation of waiting for our baby girl….

lazy days - erin seth at play 027 

Oh, how I miss my front porch.
My black door, and the beautiful lights we pick out to replace the dated brass fixtures.

end sept 013

The woods behind our house.  I so wanted to let Seth explore here as he grew…

nonna visit 018

I miss having Las Maracas only a few minutes away.  Even more, I miss having any number of families we could call at a moments notice, and say, “Hey, Mexican tonight?”

mid dec wknd 035 

I miss this view so much my heart aches.

jan 21-28 008

I even miss “Not Ralph” aka Bella.

stupid cat 002

I miss the creek.  I miss watching Seth enjoy this little slice of heaven in our own backyard.

4.7.11 020 

Our tree, and Duncan’s windchime

4.2.11 009

Our deck, and the landscaping Jim worked so hard to perfect

5.8 thru 5.10 (27)

The red half-bath, where potty training woes were vanquished

aug weeks 1 and 2 (60)

My roses, so lovingly tended around Duncan’s stone

misc mid aug 029

Neighbors that my children adored…even if engine revving woke them from naps too soon

late sept 004

Mature trees that shed their leaves for autumn fun

nov early 021

Oh, 116.  I miss you.

2008

I really, truly thought White House would be our forever home.  And more often than I like to admit, I’m still very sad that it isn’t going to be.

Let me again state, I’m so thankful for our current home.  The comfortable, large space that gives the kids room to sprawl, and even allows for us to be hospitable in exceptional ways.  We have good neighbors in a great school system.  We are back to the same ZIP code as much of our family – and that, right there, the family thing, you can’t put a price on.

But if I’m being honest, I’m restless.  I miss my Tennessee home fiercely.  I’m still peeling back the layers of why that is, and what I REALLY miss the most (I’m smart enough to realize that it’s probably not bricks and maple trees and Sherwin Williams paint).

But there you have it….

2 comments:

Kendra said...

Wow - that backyard is something to covet, to be sure.

A lot of heartache in that house...the twins, Duncan, the breakin...but also so much HOPE and JOY.

May God bring your heart peace, right where it is.

Anonymous said...

Awww, i'm behind on blog reading, so I just read this. Right after we just called Jim and said "Las Maracas?"

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