Friday, September 29, 2017
I sit paralyzed in front the keyboard because I never intended to use this blogging platform as a place to air my dirty laundry.
But what do you do when the things that are indelicate to talk about have grossly outweighed all the "appropriate" topics?
I could show you my fall home decor, but I'd rather tell you about how much it hurts that I don't have the kind of friends who will drop in for a quick chat or favor, and end up staying for dinner or a bonfire. And maybe it's me, or maybe it's society these days. Either way, I think it's rude when people pull in your drive and don't even turn off their vehicle engine. Maybe their intent is efficiency, but it translates to "I am very important and you are not, and I am so busy and important I can not even let the dust settle before I must go be busy and important with people who are not you." I am lonely.
I could tell you that we are going to the homecoming game tonight, and how excited I am, and how perfect the weather is for a Friday night football battle, but I'd rather be honest about how tired I am, after running errands and being responsible all day, when the two people I most love to spend time with got to spend their days enjoying the weather and choosing the companionship of other friends. I am jealous.
I could tell you how much I'm looking forward to my "girls' night out" birthday dinner this weekend, but what emotions I'm really tamping down are sadness and bitterness and self-pity for reasons that I'm not going to share here because even in my hurt, I'm protecting everyone else. I am woefully acommodating.
This is so pointless....
No one is reading any more.
My wisdom dried up with my baby loss posts, and these recent attempts don't benefit anyone.
But I wrote for a week; I met my goal.
And now I can go back to just paying a doctor to deal with the mess in my head.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Writing anything today?
Completely off radar.
Instead, lunch date.
Overdue, anticipated, celebratory.
Queso, pear martini,
Favorite Alex's salad.
Arrived home only
slightly before bus.
Homework, soccer, backpacks...
at least THIS
drill is habitual.
PJs, Grey's, then
charcoal mask, Ambien.
But a reminder:
write your blog.
Fine. You win.
Now, I'll sleep.
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Today: writer's block.
Kindle download instead.
Trilogy. One down.
Second immediately followed.
Afternoon passed, reading.
Air brakes hiss,
trio plus one
invades the quiet.
Novel begrudgingly paused:
must chase dog,
chasing two boys
behind the barn,
over the creek,
into the soybeans,
breaking her boundaries.
Please, no ticks.
Dog, son, friend --
home, albeit dirty.
Burgers, soccer, spelling,
showers, nightlight, kisses.
Sister prompts: blog?
I'd rather read,
but comply instead.
String word triplets
into this post.
Not my finest,
but that's alright.
It is something
to mark today.
A new author.
A quiet afternoon.
Orange tee shirts
on a quest,
puppy in pursuit.
blog posts published.
Not habitual yet,
but a start.
Monday, September 25, 2017
Maybe this time.
Will it stick?
I miss it.
You might read.
(You might not.)
Discipline is healthy.
Writing trumps exercise.
(In my book.)
This isn't poetry,
haiku, or sonnet.
Not Shakespeare, Hemingway,
or even Suess.
It's just me.
Trying yet again
to get back
to that girl
who once wrote
all the things,
all the words,
no matter what.
No matter who
read the posts.
Or even if.
I've said before
"she's still here."
Ten years ago,
I started blogging.
My mom journey
was just beginning.
Here I am,
my caboose child
gone to kinder.
The house, quiet.
The cursor, beckoning.
The web, transformed,
unrecognizable from 2007.
Everyone's doing it.
Actually, done it.
Now, it's podcasts.
Maybe that'll come.
For now, typing.
Words and spacing.
Black and white.
Familiar, these strokes.
Baby steps, perhaps.
Three words only,
each line is.
But strung together?
Look! She writes!
A post appears...
Once upon a time, I had a label "Your 3 Words." It was someone else's concept, and I only did it twice before today. But I thought it might be an easy way back into this writing groove I so desperately want to wear into my days. Here is an attempt, this week. Each day, a Your-3-Words post to jump start this ancient, rusty, neglected girl back into commission.
Wish me luck.
See you tomorrow.
You can comment.
I won't mind.
Really. Go ahead.
It might help.
Hint hint hint. ;)
Saturday, September 17, 2016
I wasn't even sure I'd be able to publish this post, because I wasn't sure I remembered my account login information! There was a tiny part of me that hoped I'd forgotten it, so that I could have a continued excuse as to why this piece of my lifeblood has fallen silent.
But. Alas. Same ol' user name. Same ol' password. And we are back in business.
We're going to skip the newsworthy and profound and eloquent today, as we ease back in, and I am shamelessly going to steal the idea of Stephanie Nielson merely sharing her weekend plans.
The weather is dictating a forced hibernation day, so here is what is on my docket for Saturday:
- breakfast as a family -- toaster strudel and cocoa pebbles
- gearing Erin up for a soccer game -- even though we know she'll get to the field and they will cancel on account of rain
- laundry -- but the relaxed kind, with fabric softener, not the "quick wash" loads that come from needing soccer socks and jersey tops in 27 minutes
- hosting a surprise 40th birthday dinner tonight -- steak and potatoes and a requested ice cream cake
- burning a new candle -- Cider Lane, to be exact
- praying over the Beth Moore Living Proof Live event going on in Chicago.... something that has become near and dear super fast (more on that to come!)
- organizing my earring holder
- sketching out a floor plan for our basement remodel-- dare I say the finishing work may begin sooner than later?!
Friday, February 5, 2016
I just heard the third quartet of chimes from our grandfather clock, so I figured it was time to get up and at least do something, rather than to continue to toss and turn, my jaw clenching tighter and tighter in frustration as sleep continued to evade.
I'm shocked at how painfully bright my computer screen is when the rest of the house is in total darkness. Well, not total. My kiddos, while not necessarily afraid of the dark, sleep with no less than 3 lava lamps aglow, not to mention various other nightlights and low-watt lamps. So there is a nice mid-day shine coming from the upstairs hallway.
I have the most random of thoughts vying for center stage tonight.
I miss my grandmother. I wish she were alive to see me as a grown woman, and to meet my children. But I'm also thankful that she didn't live long enough to see two of her three children die prematurely in middle age.
I wonder what my friends living across the globe are doing right now. Kendra, in Kuwait, and Charlotte in London, and my nine-day-old niece in Japan.
I imagine what people on airplanes right now are engaged in. Are they flying for business, for pleasure? Neither? I think about all the times I've flown... For weddings, funerals, job interviews, vacations. Air travel, when you really stop to think about it, is mind boggling.
The woman that I would have considered to be my best friend during some milestone years of my life is someone I haven't seen since 2007. That's crazy to me. She was my matron of honor, I hosted her baby shower. I remember trudging through so many inches of snow the day she and her husband moved into their first house; I smile to think of the picnic basket of tacos they brought to Jim and me the day we moved into OUR first home. I remember what I was wearing the day her daughter was born; I remember what I was wearing the last time we saw one another. We are friends on Facebook, and mail each other Christmas cards. But I wonder if we can pick up again... I know we can't go back. I'm not sure I'd want to. But I miss her, and what we were, and what we could have stayed, if not for life.....
My head hurts so much. I've taken to clenching my jaw at night. I've been given a deadline by my dentist to get it under control naturally before I need to pursue a night guard. Attempts to "deal with it" are not going well.
Oh, hey, there is the clock again.
I totally understand how people become addicted to substances. I do. I have a very real temptation right now to raid Tiff's stash of Ambien and Percocet just so I can sleep for a few hours and get out of my head, and stop the endless loop of to-dos and I wonders that fill my mind.
I have MOPS in the morning, and then a full night of entertaining my eldest children, and then I need to remember that I have to prep toppings for a taco bar to take to the Crisis Pregnancy Center on Monday, but to do that before I go to our college ministry for a superhero party we are throwing for a 1st grader who is dying of bone cancer, and also Seth's teacher wants to have a progress meeting and Erin's class needs juice boxes for her Valentine's Day party and is James even HAVING a Valentine's party, and I wonder if the girls' weekend to Chicago is still happening or maybe my friends just decided to go without me and that's why I haven't heart any more about the trip and speaking of friends, I wonder if I'm ever actually going to make any here in our new area. I mean, there are some acquaintances, but no one super close, except Connie, I love her, but we need to find a way to see each other more. And I wonder if the school just had an over abundance of volunteers for the Daddy Daughter dance on Friday, or if no one called me because they don't know who I am? I need to to remember to take Tiff's sushi out of the fridge before trash day; she won't be able to eat it because of drill. I can't believe she has to be at drill on Superbowl Sunday. Wow, Superbowl Sunday last year was insane. James had his broken arm and we were going into the blizzard and Sean and Chrissy came over for the game, and now we don't even talk to them, really, and that is sad. But I don't really hear from anyone in Sylvania anymore, so I guess that's normal.
And OH MY GOSH do you see why my jaw hurts?
That's just a teeny tiny portion of what is going through my head when I try to sleep. And that isn't even the BIG stuff. The really yucky, I'm-in-therapy-for stuff that I don't talk about here.
Speaking of things I don't talk about on my blog anymore....
Remember how much I wrote after Duncan was born? Yeah, I miss writing like that.
I think I was emotionally healthier when I was able to write like that. I don't think I'm feeling any less these days than I was then. I just had a heck of an easier time getting those feelings out. Gosh. 7 years ago.
7 years ago, we moved to Tennessee, and I found out I was pregnant, and met Dr. Morgan and the people at WHFBC and started to learn how to be a stay at home mom, and drove to Louisville to see my Daina because she was about to have her twins, and, oh, I miss my Daina, too. She's one of those people who I could drive to right this minute and just stand on her porch and when she opened the door, she would just know why I was there and what I needed, and I will say til I die that the best think the internet ever gave me was her friendship.
More random? Okay.
We thought our puppy was spayed when we got her at 9 weeks old. She wasn't. I bought cloth diapers today. For my dog. Because she is in heat and bleeding all over my house and furniture. Fun times. And let me tell you, her milkshake is bringing quite the collection of boys to our yard, if you know what I mean. Seriously. Homegirl has some super pheromones going on over here.
Clock, again. Gah. But my eyes feel tired.
Let's try this again.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
The year I suffered through first day jitters right along with my littles as I ushered them into a brand new school system where we knew no one.
The year that marked a decade as a Gregory with a dream-like California getaway.
The year that I showed the world this smile:
..but in all actuality, masked this daily reality:
Monday, August 18, 2014
I’ll save you the preamble of excuses as to why the blog has gone silent, and just jump in, because, hello… I threw a pretty awesome party (ahem, if I do say so myself!) and I just have to share it with you all!
But, first, the “WHY.” (Isn’t that what most motivational speakers tell you first and foremost, is to “find your ‘why’”? ) Well, here is mine: CHANGE.
Our poor kinders….they, collectively endured a LOT of change this summer with a staggering number of families moving away (like thousands-of-miles-away) from our tight-knit, small-town community. So theses kiddos, who’d all grown so close, not only were anticipating new classmates as they enter 1st grade this coming Thursday, but were also so very sad to be losing close friends this summer.
So, enters my idea to host a playdate towards the end of the summer, once the homeroom teachers were assigned. Well. My playdate sort of took on a life of its own, and a full-blown back-to-school backyard bash began to take shape.
And let me be honest….it was no small task to pull off. BUT. I did it. And I did it well. And now I’m going to share with you all the things I learned along the way to help ease the process.
1. Plan in advance.
Oh, my girlfriends mocked me. Oh, yes they did, when the Facebook event invite was sent out in late June. “WHY are you planning a back-to-school party? Summer just started!” But, I knew. I knew what I wanted this event to be, and I knew that I needed people to save the date, and to get on board with the idea of a get-together the last Friday of summer vacation. Planning this far out also gave me time to play around with the exact timing of the party, to see what worked best for the majority of the families. Sadly, I wasn’t able to accommodate the full-time working parents, but listening to the feedback of my invited guests, and opening up the timeframe from 10 AM to 3 PM gave the majority of parents and children a chance to attend, if not all of, than at least some of, the event.
2. Create a welcoming presence.
Many of the families attending had never been to my home. And let’s be honest….we’ve all done the drive-by when we are looking for a new-to-us house number. So I wanted to have something visible to say, “Yep, party’s here!!!”
A few embellishments tucked into my versatile, always-changing wreath gave a true “September” vibe, and some creative chalk art on our IKEA easel, placed in a visible, prominent spot near our driveway, welcomed our guests as they arrived.
3. Use what you have.
I can’t stress this point enough. Nothing spoils a party faster than “buyer’s remorse” over the cost incurred to throw said party. Other than one semi-extravagant purchase (we’ll get to that point), I spent VERY little on this mega-party.
For some of my welcome decor, I placed red apples on hydrangea leaves (that I clipped from my front bushes that morning) onto the tray of the easel. Cost: FREE.
For the main tablescape, I gathered items from my office and playroom. Some Dr. Suess books; mason jars of pencils, markers, and paintbrushes; a globe; some toy school busses; small American flags…. all of these things were pulled from other rooms in my home – all FREE – and all perfect for the all-American, classroom look I wanted.
I unrolled a length of craft paper down the center of the table, not only to protect from cake frosting, but to add a layer of visual interest after I quickly penned the upper and lowercase alphabet onto the surface. Again, FREE. The ONLY expense I incurred with this table decor almost doesn’t even count, since I’m not one to shy away from the self-indulgent splurge of grocery store flowers. For $4.99, I purchased a half-dozen sunflowers, added more of my own (free!) hydrangea stems, and placed them in a (free!) mason jar that I surrounded with some (free!) No. 2 pencils I merely secured with washi tape.
Again, I can’t reiterate this point enough: USE WHAT YOU HAVE. You’d be surprised at how quickly and easily you can pull together an impressive table with little to no cost!
4. Pray for good weather.
Okay, in all fairness, I realize this can’t really be a MUST DO, because weather is one of the things that will be completely out of your control. That said, I felt it worth mentioning because it is something to most definitely consider.
In my case, there was no “back up plan” in case of foul weather. My back up plan, sadly, would have been a cancellation. I simply would not have been able to fit 70 people in my house – especially given that 50+ of those people are 6 or 7 years old. ;) That said. We were VERY blessed with a gorgeous, unheard-of-67-degrees-in-August, sunshiny day. But again. Have a back up plan. You just never know.
5. Have ample seating.
And keep in mind, I say ample, not fancy. I moved our everyday patio furniture off the actual concrete to create room for a standard umbrella table with 6 chairs (borrowed from my dad’s backyard), giving me total seating for 14. A girlfriend lent two 8-foot tables and a dozen metal folding chairs to provide seating for the actual lunch-eating. Additionally, two children’s tables and chairs were set up for the preschool-age siblings in attendance. Lastly, on a whim, I set up our tent and tossed a couple beanbags and a “dummy” mattress in for a comfy, alternative hangout spot.
6. Have multiple activities available.
The one splurge I did make for this party was renting a ginormous inflatable. You can’t quite tell from the photos, but we have a very steep grade to our backyard that prohibits us from having any kind of swingset, and since I knew I wanted the party to remain outdoors (read: away from Legos and the Wii, etc.), I needed an alternative activity, and, selfishly, one that required minimal mom participation. (Another “why” for the party was definitely getting some more moms introduced to one another, as new class rosters brought about new relationships. I really wanted my mommy friends to enjoy this day as much as the kids.)
That said, for $200 (for FIVE HOURS!!!), the bounce house was a HUGE hit, and my generous friends chipped in to help defray the cost. Win, win, win.
As an alternative to the bounce house, I set up an extra 8-foot table and chairs with art supplies, since I knew a handful of little sisters in attendance are uber-artists. I simply rolled another length of craft paper down the center, taped the ends, and let them know they could color, stamp, paint, and sticker to their hearts content.
In addition, I also debuted my drop cloth Radiator Springs (separate post coming soon!) and set out all of Seth’s cars, planes, and trailers. We had several little guys who do better with some less physical activities (I also had soccer balls and goals set up in addition to the bounce house), so this was a great item to have on hand.
This point is a close second to the “use what you have” mandate. There was NO WAY I was going to plan for and adequately feed 70+ people without hiring a caterer. So, when my girlfriends asked (as I’m sure yours will, too), “What can I bring,” I had an answer ready.
Initially I felt a little bossy saying, “5 boxes of mac and cheese” or “veggie tray, heavy on the ones the kids will actually eat,” but in the end, (a), I think they appreciated a direct request, and (b), it saved us from having a dozen people bring a dessert or having 20 bags of potato chips and pretzels.
I spilt the “assignments” into paper products, hot dogs, hot dog buns, fruit, veggies, spinach salad, pasta salad, snack mix, bottled water, soda cans, kids’ juice chugs, fruit snacks, freezer pops, and unfrosted sugar cookies and strawberry cream cheese. I provided a cake (see #8), classic PBJ halves, and diced fruit to go with the cookies, so the kiddos could do a “build your own fruit pizza.”
(I’m kicking myself for not getting a good photo of the “pizza” set up….it was pretty neat! You can kind of see it in the foreground of the photo. And, ahem, those are 2 spreaders with red handles in the sundae cup, not hotdogs. #facepalm!)
I think everyone was happy to contribute something specific, and I wasn’t one bit overwhelmed with the idea of feeding that many people. It was a perfect way to do things.
8. Consider bulk stores.
All I have to say is, if you don’t have a Costco near you, I’m sorry. Because for $17.99, you can get an OMG-delicious sheet cake that will have everyone wanting seconds – and since you can’t beat the value for the size, there is plenty of cake to do just that! I will say, however, that their decor options are more limited than what you’d find with a traditional bakery or even your local grocer, but I made it work (and I think it turned out great!), and again, you can’t beat the price!
9. Have a game plan.
But keep it flexible. ;)
But, really. Even when kids this age can be counted on to make their own fun, it is true that they still thrive on boundaries and direction. So, the one activity I had up my sleeve for when I could tell we may need to introduce just a wee bit of structure was water balloons.
My mommy friends were great helpers in filling and tying off about 100 water balloons (read: 6 seconds worth of fun).
While the moms filled the last balloons, I commandeered Tiffany’s whistle and gathered all the kids. I had the soon-to-be-first graders separate into corners based on their new teachers (so, win win there, too, in having them gather with their new classmates) and then divided up the remaining siblings in attendance onto the four respective teams. They were instructed to launch their one (I know, ONE! I’m mean!) balloon at the sound of my whistle blow, but, if they caught a balloon without breaking it, their “class” would get a point. (How cute is James, by the way?!)
Needless to say, the water balloons were gone in about 3 seconds; in true “dump-gatorade-on-the-coach” fashion, I was blasted with the last remaining water balloon; and the kiddos were left clamoring for more action, but it still was the perfect 10-minute activity to start winding down the party.
10. Create memorable photo opportunities.
You will have put a lot of effort into this day, and you want to make sure that in addition to tucking some private smiles away in your heart, you can both share the experience, and look back for years to come.
I picked up a piece of scrap lumber at Home Depot for less than $2, and after a quick sand-and-stain that took me no time at all, I freehanded a 6’ ruler. I LOVE this piece. Not only did we get some fun pictures at the party, I plan to use this for years and years to come to measure and record my children’s heights on their first days of each grade. (Granted, I won’t have Seth’s first day of kindergarten mark, but going forward, I’ll have this photo prop on hand.)
I also picked up 3 black foam boards from the dollar store, and using chalk to mimic a blackboard, I created a “class of 2026” trio of signs for the kids to pose with. I made no promises that this party will become an annual event, but IF it is, it will be fun to capture this group of kiddos with these signs through the years as they journey through school together.
And there you have it!
I know this was a long post. =) Consider it an attempt at making up for months of silence. (You didn’t REALLY think I could go a whole post without noting my absence, did you? lol)
Again, I am SO SO SO glad I organized this party. And I don’t say that, or even publish this post, as a way to pat myself on the back for throwing such an event. I just really, really enjoyed everything about this day. Bringing friends together, enjoying a meal, watching kids play…. it was extraordinary for me to get to use my God-given gifts of administration and hospitality to open my home in this way.
I hope that you can take something away from this Top Ten list, whether you tuck the tips away until next summer to throw your own back-to-school bash, or apply some of the tips to a get-together of your own. If you do, please share! I’d love to see!
One last thing…..Serious thanks and praise to my friend Stacy of Cookie Canvas
for the extraordinary artistry on the cookies I had her make as party favors….
talk about using God-given talents! Check these out:
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
It is day 3 of summer vacation, and these are some things I've come to believe as truth:
- If you awake and put on your bathing suit and cover-up, and throw your hair in a messy bun, it doesn't count that you don't make it into the shower.....whether or not you actually ever made it to the pool.
- Freezer pops are the universal currency of the neighborhood mom.
- Duvet covers are of the devil. Period.
- No matter how cute my "Summer of Fun" calendar looks, thunderstorms will wreak havoc on my plans. Must be better prepared for a day inside.
- My kids eat. All day. ALL. DAY. By 9:30, they've had breakfast, second breakfast, a snack. And then, popcorn. And yet, still zero percent body fat. Jerks.
- Laundry will be done every day. There will just be no way around it.
- Dirty feet and sunburned noses make me happy. They just do.
I'm trying my best to keep my priorities straight, keep my expectations realistic, and my body rested and hydrated. I want this summer to be the best for our family. No major vacations to stress us out, no huge projects or renovations to disrupt our home, nothing on the horizon but camp outs, pool dates, and cookouts.
What are your best tips for staying sane when the hours of a summer break day seem a little too many to fill? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Thursday, May 29, 2014
After the longest winter EVER, I have no doubt that our local teachers have a constantly running mental countdown to just how many more classroom minutes are between today and 3:35 pm Friday, June 6. And I don't blame them. They are staring down the finish line to a long year and the start of a well-earned summer.
We were so very fortunate to get who we thought has been a fabulous teacher for Seth this year. The teacher whose class he was technically assigned to was actually out the entire year on maternity leave, so he had a permanent substitute who had been assigned her first kindergarten class.
She has been such a good sport about getting her feet wet in what could be considered a very high-maintenance school system, and I applaud her for dealing well with parents who aren't always the most gracious in their dealings with the school administration. We have had nothing but good reports home from Seth, and he not ONCE ever complained about going to school or fought me when it was time to get on the bus. Kindergarten was an overwhelmingly positive experience for him. And more important to us, even more than his reading skills or word problem comprehension, was that Seth's character stood true, and it did. The traits of compassion, leadership, and obedience that we fostered in him during his preschool years were both recognized and applauded by his teacher and to me, that is priceless and worth more than academic marks.
I put together a small end-of-the-year gift for this amazing woman and I hope she sees it as more than a way to kick-start her summer, but more, as this mom's meager way of showing just a hint of the gratitude I have for her taking my sweet firstborn under her wing this year and handing him back even brighter than before.