Every day, with my morning juice and/or coffee. Mmmmm!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I really didn’t know what to title this post. There really isn’t a point to the video at all, except it makes me smile every time I watch it.
When we were in Ohio at the end of September, Jim sent me on a road trip to test drive an SUV that we were considering purchasing. Since it was a four hour trip, my in-laws were nice enough to accompany me.
This is how Seth and John spent the ride home:
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
How far along? 10w
Total weight gain: Holding steady at +/- 0 lbs.
Maternity clothes? it depends on the day. I have been back in my regular jeans and pants this week, and they are tight around the waist, but doable.
Sleep: It still takes longer than I'd like to actually fall asleep, but I've actually been sleeping through the night -- not even having to get up to pee.
Best moment this week: Feeling cute in a maternity dress at church on Sunday and having someone pat my belly and say, "you look so cute!".
Gender: I'm still hoping pink, but I go back and forth. I'm getting impatient to know, though, that's for sure.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In, but I'm having a hard time getting enough "stuff" to grab around my belly button to properly do my injections.
What I miss: Enjoying a bowl of ice cream. Chicklet seems to have a sweets aversion. Boo.
What I am looking forward to: Next u/s at 11w. One more week!
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy having Chicklet's Brother be my "baby" for the next few months.
Milestones: Double digits in gestation. Whoo-hoo!
This memorial post is about a week “overdue.” I was really struck by some heavy-hitting emotions last week as the fifth-month mark of Duncan’s birth and death came and went, and it’s been a little hard to put my feelings into bloggable words.
As some of you may or may not know, with the passing of Duncan’s August due date, coupled with his tree planting, many prayers, many more tears, and lots of conversations with each other and those whose opinions we trust, Jim and I decided to stop preventing a new pregnancy.
With that conscious decision came a lot of unexpected (and some expected) emotions and excitements and fears. Was it too soon? What if it happened right away? What if it didn’t happen for a while? What if the next baby was another boy? What if it was a girl? Would I be scared each day of my pregnancy? Would I enjoy any of it?
Obviously, the majority of those questions have yet to be answered.
But how does this all relate to Duncan?
I just don’t want to forget him. And at times, I feel like I am.
A few weeks ago, I was at a home party, and they were playing this little ice-breaker game before the presentation where a gift bag was passed from woman to woman as different “identifying” statements were made: give the gift to the one who came the farthest; to the one who has the longest hair; to the newest mom.
And wouldn’t you know it? The presenter said that “newest mom” thing, and I looked around the room waiting for someone to reach for the bag. And they were all staring back at me. And I said:
“Well, yeah…..I guess….if you count Duncan.”
Seriously? Those words from my mouth? Had someone else said them, I’d most likely have clocked her. But in my heart of hearts, I sincerely wasn’t thinking of Duncan while the phrase “new mom” hung in the air.
And I still don’t really know where to put that.
So, my five month post is going to fall a little short. Because I’m in a new place. Not necessarily a bad place. Just new, and unfamiliar. And I didn’t want another day to go by before acknowledging the passing of another month of Duncan’s life.
Because although I may not bring him to mind, on demand, in any particular given moment, not a day goes by that I don’t think of him, and miss him, and wish he were here.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday night, our small group from church got together for a fall party. From hotdogs roasted over an open fire, to four wheeler rides, to pumpkin tosses and broom races, I think it’s safe to say that young and old(er) alike had a blast. The weather was perfect, and the company was great.
Here are a couple snapshots of our night:
Hostess Kasey and Cranky Pants O’Neil
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Kicking off the night in the corn crib
And we wonder how all the corn got in his boots?
Um, anybody else think maybe I should get me a little one to dress up in pink fluff?
Okay, maybe Seth isn’t too keen on that idea…
Who needs to carve a pumpkin when you can just paint one?
No comment. (Except, I want one.)
Heading back to the bonfire for the wienie roast
Poor Kasey…..this pot of chili spilled in her truck on the way to the farm. Needless to say, we were extra careful not to spill any more on the flatbed (though something tells me this would have been easier to hose down than Brock’s truck…)
Jim and Daniel, dutifully feeding their famished wives
The mr. and mrs., sneaking a kiss
Mommy and Seth on the real moonlit hayride
Ending the night on the four-wheeler, pickin’ up chicks =)
And, of course, the shoes full o’ corn.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
If I’d been really on the ball, these pictures would have been blogged weeks ago. But it’s no secret that I’d not really a blog-in-the-moment kind of girl, so, the pictures are “late.”
But it’s still autumn, right?
I’m happy to report that all the decor on my porch totaled under $30. That’s for 3 medium mums and 22 various sized pumpkins (thank you, Nashville Farmer’s Market), the brass lantern, the ghost luminary, and the two Pottery Barn candlesticks (clearance a couple years ago). Oh yeah, and the wreath on the door was from my wedding four years ago.
There is one more touch that I have yet to get a decent photo of, and that is of the 20 lit-up jack-o-lanterns that are edging the front landscaping. Maybe on Halloween night, when we host our party….
Can I just tell you how proud I am of my fall nesting this year? I’m bound determined to follow up this post with pictures of the touches I’ve added indoors. Hold me to it, people! =)
I've been taking it easy for the past three hours, trying to beat down this persistent headache that has been building for a few days.
No relief yet.
I just took my BP, and it's holding steady in the 145/85 range. =(
I have to pick up the Chicklet's Brother from school in a little while, but will continue to try to stay off my feet and still this afternoon, and monitor the BP tonight. If it stays up, I'll be heading into Dr. M's office in the morning.
=( and more =(
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
How far along? 9w1d
Total weight gain: Holding steady at +/- 0 lbs.
Maternity clothes? yes, in pants, skirts, and dresses. Tops are either/or right now.
Sleep: Better than I expected it to be at this point.
Best moment this week: Having someone in WalMart ask the Chiclet's Brother "are you getting a baby brother or sister?" with a knowing wink at me.
Gender: I'll admit, I'm hoping pink.
Labor Signs: Nope, although my BP was not great at my ob appt this week.
Belly Button in or out? In. .
What I miss: The freedom to not worry about 7 different prescriptions, all refilling at different times, at different dosages, to be taken at different times of the day. Ergh.
What I am looking forward to: Next u/s at 11w. 14 days from today!!!!
Weekly Wisdom: Try NOT to be so focused on wanting the baby to be a girl, and just focus on health.
Milestones: First run in with the insurance/pharmacy/MFM office. Fun times.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Just a teaser from the great time we had at our hayride Saturday night.
This is what I found when I took off Seth’s boots:
I think that goes to show just how much fun he had. He never once let on that there was this much corn in his shoes – he just kept on movin’ and runnin’ and enjoying all the fun!
No worries, though.
I'm still here, and I'm still pregnant.
What is there to report?
I've started my Lovenox injections, and after a little mishap with the first shot (I chickened out and had Chicklet's Daddy do it), we've gotten the hang of it: ice before, jab the needle in quick, and depress the plunger slowly.
I had a regular obgyn appointment last Tuesday. Weight gain is holding steady at +/- 0 lbs.
Yea! By BP, on the other hand, is on the rise. It was 144/97. Yikes. Dr. M said that she would consult with my MFM to see if we needed to change or increase my two BP meds.
Other than that, I go back to both the MFM and Dr. M on Tuesday, Nov. 3.
Until then, I'm just trying to take it easy, not overdo it with Chicklet's brother, and enjoy getting back into comfy, cute maternity clothes.
Can I just say, it makes my heart happy to be closing in on the 9w mark? Whoo-hoo!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Although the forecast proved accurate with a balmy 46 degrees and steady, misty drizzle, we ventured out to the pumpkin farm with some friends. About a hour into our trip, Seth decided he’d rather curl up with his socks than enjoy the scenery.
The farm we visited had a learning barn where the little ones were schooled in the ways of honeybees and taught to recognize the various types of pumpkins, like Fairytale, Cotton Candy, Cinderella, Munchkin, and the featured Touch of Autumn.
There were rabbits, cows, goats, donkeys, turkeys…..lots of farm animals that the kids could interact with and feed. (Can I just say that your nose alone would tell you in no uncertain terms that you were on a working farm?!)
Nope, not in there…..
In the milking barn, the little ones can “milk” a cow – and despite that it’s only water that shoots out from the udder, let me tell you, it’s pretty realistic!
For the PIG RACES! I have to admit, it was awesome. The pigs race for Oreo cookies, and you better believe they can move! It made me want to come home and watch the movie Babe. “Out” pig (assigned to our section of the crowd) won two out of the three races. Way to go, Piglet!
Without a doubt, Seth’s favorite part of the day was the Corn Crib – a huge, well, bin, of corn kernels, ala ball pit style. He had to be parent-retrieved twice before he’d get out. Once he got the hang of walking in the shifting maize, he loved it!
Finally, after a full day of walking through the mud, the little ones were sent into the patch of Touch of Autumn pumpkins to pick their very own. As you can see, Seth felt it necessary to walk to the entire other side of the patch to select his “ball.”
Was it worth the drive (even though we got [a little] lost on the way home? Worth the $6 admission? Worth the 2 hours in the rain and muck? Worth getting the F250 buried in the mudbath of a parking lot? (Sorry, the stress of that experience kept me from taking photos.) Was it worth the less-than-perfect conditions to spend a day with my son?
Um, yeah. I’d say so. =)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
How much has changed in the short year since I wrote this post last October.
At that time, I only had one personal loss to acknowledge on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day – our first miscarriage in February 2007.
Just four short days later, our gone-too-soon children grew in number from one to three, with the loss of our twins on October 19.
Seven months later, it grew again to four with the birth and homegoing of our sweet Duncan on May 19.
So today, I light my candle for not one. Not even four. Because sadly, the list of children who I am personally missing has grown beyond the confines of my own family.
So, yes, today I light a candle in remembrance of my four, but also….
…for my mom
…for my grandmother
…for every mother who has an empty spot at her dining room table.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
When Jason flew us to Nashville last October to house hunt, Jim and I were on a mission, yes, but it was also whirlwind mini-vacation. We’d talked long and hard about whether or not we should rent somewhere until we knew which Nashville suburb we wanted to live in, or whether or not we’d be willing to make a move on a great deal, if we were to stumble across one. I don’t think either of us truly expected to find a house in the 36 hours we were going to be traipsing across the Nashville metropolis with our realtor Wanda.
But, we did.
On Sunday, October 12, 2008, Wanda showed us our 23rd potential house, and we knew.
This was to be our home.
And the most miraculous thing happened, in just the last month.
Not only was it home, but it felt like home.
The last time we were in Ohio to visit family, I got homesick. For Tennessee.
I missed my friends. My neighbors. My trees. My house. My church. I wanted to go home.
So here you have it. An entire year later.
New paint. New lights, indoor and out. A few more flowers, a few less trees.
Home, sweet home.