I'm sure someone could have a heyday psychoanalyzing why I haven't posted about this yet. And not just the actual "doing" of this thing, but the year-plus that I've even been contemplating doing this thing. Maybe it was something I really needed to keep private, so as to make sure that moving toward this was of the Lord, and not just a whim of mine, sparked by emotion and fueled by the opinions of others. Regardless, what is done is done, and I guess now it's time to share.
Are you scared yet? I promise, it's not bad. It's great, actually. I'm not sure why my intro spilled forth so melodramatically....
I have taken the plunge into the direct sales arena, and become an independent distributor for a geat line of high fashion jewelry.
Well, what do you think?
Why I'm looking for validation from the cyberworld, I'm not sure. I think it's because this is SUCH A BIG DEAL to our family. I'm not even sure how or where to start talking about this, but bear with me as I work through a lot of what I'm thinking and feeling.
Last January (as in 2007), one of my coworkers (thanks, Tara -- if this is a disaster, I'm blaming you!) invited me to a jewelry party. I wasn't thrilled about the prospect of spending a wintry Tuesday night away from home, but Tara only lived a couple blocks from me, so I figured it wasn't too great a sacrifice on my part. So I went. I remember only 2 things about this night: I left Tara's , having somehow booked a show of my own with the jeweler, Kelly, for March 20; and being devastated to realize I'd started my period when I got home (devastated because this was month 3 of TTC, and there would be no baby-anticipation that month).
Fast forward to March. I have my party, get a ton of great jewelry, have a great time with Kelly, and briefly entertain the thought "Hmm, I could do this." The brief thought heads right out the door with Kelly, until I see her at my friend Ambre's house for a party. And I think again, "Hmm, I could do this." But of course, by now I'm pregnant and starting to have the first of many complications with Seth, so again, the thought gets buried.
But Kelly remains faithful. Faithful to the principles of the business, and in turn, faithful to me. She drops off a copy of the founders' biography (to read in my spare time once I was on bedrest), helps me pick out the perfect piece to wear to a PCC reunion, and drops a "thank heaven for little boys" bib in the mail when she learns of Seth's birth.
I see her in February 2008, again at Ambre's house, and this time, it's not just me going "Hmm, I could do this." It's more of a deep-resounding presence urging, "Monica, you should do this." Kelly and I made arrangements to "double date" -- what's better than business talk with a side of yummy Bravo pasta and decadent chocolate cake? Jim and I were able to ask all our final questions about Premier -- how it works (from both a family and financial standpoint), what they've learned, where to start...
Fast forward again, to finding ourselves at the crossroads that most young couples do: salaries, job contentment, the cost of childcare, Seth's happiness, our happiness. I know that I felt like I was standing in the midst of a whirlwind -- scared, tired, alone, confused, sad. And what do children of God often hear in the midst of a whirlwind? A still, small voice. And I heard, with utter clarity: not could, not should, but "do."
The company picks a verse every year, and for 2008, it is: "Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord; point out the right road for me to follow." Psalm 25:4
Jim is Mr. Gung-ho Encouragement, which I desperately need, as I have to admit -- I'm scared of this. SCARED. I don't like confrontation, and I sure as heck don't like rejection. Two things I know I will have tried and tested in the coming months as I build my business. Not to mention the time and effort and sacrifice that will go into these first months.
While I'm working full-time, all my home shows will need to be in the evenings. Do you have any idea what a typical week of evenings looks like in our house? Here's a sample of the last 2 weeks:
Monday: me, home with Seth; Jim, running to and fro with final tax filings; dinner with Grammie and home by 9 pm
Tuesday: _________ I know! Nothing on the calendar, but I swear, we were busy last Tuesday
Wednesday: staff meetings with Jr High staff -- guys at BW3's, girls at Applebee's, home at 9:30
Thursday: Jim's birthday, so dinner at Red Robin -- home, but asleep on the couch, at 8:30
Friday: dinner with Bogner's and Wilson's -- all 6 of us drowsing by 9 -- Seth was wide awake
Saturday: Jim, craziness errands and mowing; me, PT rehearsal, grocery shopping, haircut, appt. w/ Kelly to sign PDJ contract; dinner with Gregory's
Sunday: full morning with praise team; Jim to Chicago on business; me, back to OnLine
Monday: me. dinner with Abby; Jim, travel back from Chicago
Tuesday: dinner and study with small group
Wednesday: me, home sick all day; Jim, golf
Thursday: Jim, mow; me, still sick
Friday: Jim, 24 hour famine, so at church from 6-10
Saturday: Famine -- at church from 7-2
Sunday: Fundraiser -- March of Dimes March for Babies 8-2
So, now you're thinking we're nuts, right? Maybe so. (I promise, Seth will get fed and bathed somewhere in all this madness.)
But the plan is for me to do one show a week, and try to toss one extra one a month in somewhere, and we'll go from there. Jim and our parents think this is a great opportunity that I'll thrive at. On my good days, I believe them. Maybe once my starter kit ($2,700 worth of jewelry!!!!) and training manual arrives, my nerves will settle.
But until then....please pray for us. This is a big deal, and I feel like I'm still reeling from the most gigantic leap of faith I've taken in a loooooong time.