I'm in a funk, and rather than try to sugarcoat it for any of you who check this often to keep updated on our progress, I'm just going to copy and paste a post I left for my chat room girls. I'll be nice enough to edit it so that the "secret language" we use won't trip you up...
Girls, I just tried to talk through this with DH (DH = Dear Husband), and that didn't go so hot, so I just need to vent here for a second, and hope you will all just listen. (If you can be encouraging in response, please post; if not, please just roll your eyes in private and pray I'm back to normal soon...)
My ob appt this afternoon was good. And I'm frustrated as all get out... The stats are as follows: fluid levels from last weeks u/s were acceptable; TNO's (TNO = The Nameless One = Sprout) hb is solid, as are his measurements; he has moved back up a little out of my pelvis/birthing canal; I'm still effacing (Dr G didn't give a %), but not dilated at all. My BP is elevated, but not in a "normal" way (only the top number is super high, not the bottom), so they're not too worried yet. All good things, right?
So, here is the clincher: I asked Dr G what kind of time frame we are looking at, and he said (after the disclaimer of, "Let's have this conversation again after your MFS u/s tomorrow and the kidney one on Thursday"): I think you're going to go all the way to the end.
Don't get me wrong; I'm happy....I think. I mean, I know I should be ecstatic over this news (here is where DH had the apparently appropriate reaction, and I'm the weird one), but my true emotions are ranging more toward "I want to hit something."
Tell me this is okay, and that it's just the gigantic roller coaster of a pregnancy I've had that has me feeling this way....I wasn't looking for bad news. I'm glad I didn't get bad news. I don't want bad news ever again.
BUT. I still can't relax. I mean, so there was nothing pressing wrong today. So what? There could be tomorrow, or on Thursday, or next Tuesday. (and you're all going, "duh, of course there could be."
I just feel stupid...like people (family, friends, you guys) will think I made up all the drama of last week's "he's coming, oh my goodness!" and now I have to confess, 'Um, or not," and of course you know I'm expecting to have to post next week "I'm writing from my hospital room".....
I know the other circumstances of today aren't helping (insert here that today was the due date of my first pregnancy), and if you are still reading, then brava, ladies! I just needed to whine for a second and say/shout WHY CAN'T THIS BE SIMPLER?!?!"
PS - Heather, don't scold, but I'm off to unpack my hospital bag, just for spite. (I promise I'll repack it soon.....)
Well considering none of this is up to you and it's all up to Sprout, you should not be bothered! Sprout is the one changing his mind so anyone (family, friends, us) who says anything about last weeks drama, well just kick them in the head. Because like everything about getting pregnant and pregnancy, you have no control!
BTW - I vote to leave the hospital bag packed :)
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