Thursday, April 2, 2009

MOPS chat -- a stream of consciousness dress rehearsal

Bear with me, people.

On Monday, I received a phone call from my MOPS director. (In case you don't know, MOPS stands for Mothers Of PreSchoolers. It's a national organization that provides moms a chance to fellowship while their children are being cared for by great volunteer "moppets." We meet the first and third Friday of each month, and for me, for the most part, this has been a FANTASTIC outlet.)

Anyway, I got this phone call from Leigh Ann, and she let me know that our scheduled speaker for this Friday would be unable to attend, and would I be willing to share my testimony. I (maybe a little too quickly) said, "of course, testimony isn't all that dramatic." She understood my hesitation, but said, "that's okay; you can admit that, and then just share a little bit about who you are, where you're at, and what God is teaching you."

Okay, I thought, sounds easy enough.

And yet, here I sit, 12 hours before I'm supposed to share my heart, and....

I dunno.

I was going to get all clever and go for alliteration:

I'm pregnant.

I'm a "people person."

I'm a perfectionist.

And then I thought, Oh, that is soooo cheesy. Not gonna happen.

But, as I've lain in bed every night this week, despite the powers of Ambien and Tylenol PM, this is all I kept coming back to.

Those things make up a LOT of who Monica is. Well, not so much the "pregnant" part, though that's currently true. But I've come to realize that just as being a perfectionist, people person has shaped me up to this point in my life, I can tell that this will also be integral to who I am as a parent, not just in how I parent my children, but in how I survive the journey that is parenthood. And let's be honest...a lot of times, being a mommy feels like nothing more than survival mode.

Because I'm a people person, I think that wanting to spend time with, and invest in, and mold and nurture my children will come naturally (for the most part!). But because I'm a perfectionist, I know I will struggle with letting them be "just kids," with letting them grow into the people that they are going to be -- especially if they go about it in a way that is different than mine.

And I know, that because I'm a people person, I will always reach out to those around me who are walking this same mommy road. Let's face it, even it you're not a self-proclaimed extrovert, almost everything is easier/better when you have a partner or companion to help ease the load.

But again....even in this, my perfectionism creeps in. Not so much in a "my way is the only right way" way, but in an "I don't know how to do it any other way than this way, and what if it doesn't work, and I end up in more of a pickle than I'm already in" neurotic tailspin kind of way. Lol! But that's one of the things that I love about MOPS. We can all come together from different walks of life, in different stages of mommy-hood, and learn from each other and lean on eachother.

And I guess, the one alliterative I left off my earlier list is the most important of all -- the one that will balance out all the rest.

I'm a possibility.

You know that old Sunday School song "I Am A Promise"?

I am a promise, I am a possibility.
I am a promise, with a capital "P."
I am a great big bundle of potentiality.
And I am learning to hear God's voice,
And I am trying to make the right choice.
I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

I know I'll teach this song to Seth, wanting him to know the truth of these words. But how great that they apply to us moms, too! In the long run, it doesn't really matter that I'm a people-loving, Type-A perfectionist. Because even when those traits fail me, I'm going to have the opportunity to get up the next morning, and try it all over again.


Michele said...

I'm sure you will be find. Us moms always manage to come up with something when we need it, even if we have to wing it. Good luck!

Kendra said...

Well put. I hope your testimony time goes GREAT today!!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely loved this post Sam!

Dad :)