In no particular order...
I'm sorry that I accused you of running of with and/or hiding my key ring. I'm also sorry that I've allowed your lunch and/or nap schedule to get out of whack in the last week. My bad. However, you need to get more than 20 minutes of sleep during the day, and therefore, please stop biting chunks out of your crib railing and go to sleep already.
I'm sorry you are having to put up with someone who hogs the bed, needs help to the bathroom, cries over nothing, and leaves her key ring out in the yard next to the garbage car overnight. In a thunderstorm.
I love you,
Your I-hope-this-is-all-just-a-phase-we-can-blame-on-me-being-pregnant wife
Dear Southwest Airlines,
While I'm none too thrilled that you upped your prices $45 bucks in a matter of hours, I still very much appreciate your reasonable fares that will allow me and my son to jet away to a sunnier, Nonna-and-Grandpa filled place where I can work on my tan and not have to cook for 6 days.
Your new bestie,
Can't wait to get away MSG
Dear desperate, thoughtless, and just plain indecent people who burglarized our home,
Ya know, it's bad enough that you put a hole in the back of my house, invaded my space, messed up my perfectly organized closet, stole a butt-load of my stuff, and pretty much just disrupted my life, but seriously? I'm holding you solely responsible for the ginormous fever blisters that are spreading all over my face, for the sky-high blood pressures that I've been having, and the diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder that I was handed this morning.
I think you're mean and I don't like you at all,
Disgruntled and sick MSG
Dear neighbor mowing your grass,
Shh. It's naptime. Do that later.
three doors down