I hope you guys actually believe this woman exists; I know I'm a pretty good storyteller, but even I don't think I could make this stuff up.
She had to check my reflexes by banging her stethoscope on my joints (uncomfortably, I might add) because her sons -- you know, those three boys that she has that I know way too much about -- had absconded with her actual reflex-checker tool (forgive me for not knowing what it's actually called). The point is, it's unprofessional to tell your patients that the reason you are using makeshift tools to perform a vitals exam is because you can't keep your unruly rugrats from hiding your stuff. I called her on it, too. I asked "Well, why couldn't you get a replacement?" She hesitated...."Well, we're just out of them." Riiight.
And because, as we all know, the best way to get back on the right foot with your patient is of course to talk about tragedy, she proceeds with:
"So, I had to go to a funeral today. My husband's ex-partner went to work one day, and had a heart attack, and then had a stroke, and just keeled over and died. And he was my age."
Any of you following this farce would be proud of me. I actually spoke up at this point:
"Um....I'm sorry, but why would you think I need to know this?!"
She tried to cover, "Oh, well, you don't have to worry, I'm much, much older than you." (She's probably in her late-30s, if that.) So, so not the point!
Please note: I have had 9 nurses since I've been here. I know maybe -- maybe! -- one personal thing about each of the others, and most likely, that one thing is only as "personal" as whether or not she has children. But the Tic? Oh, no.....for whatever reason, she is inclined to divulge to me any and all random thoughts that flit across her brain.
Seriously, people. WHY do you think this is? What is it about her? Or, heaven forbid! Is it something about me that translates "Please, please just spew your business all over my already fraught-and-fried brain! Please! 'Cause I don't have enough to process!
Jim and I are sitting here, waiting for her to come back to perform my nightly NST.. We went for a wheelchair ride at 8, and she knew to come do the test when we returned. We were gone, perhaps 12 minutes. It is now 8:52. Anyone want to guess how long it takes here to come back? Stay tuned....