Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Eight months

I don’t have a whole lot of new insight or sweet words to Duncan to share with you this month.

I simply, today, ask for your love and support.

The past few months have brought me to a new place in my “relationship” with my second son.  I haven’t completely deconstructed all the emotions, therefore I’m not sure if “blame” for my recent sadness and melancholy should be placed at the feet of “delayed grief” or “circumstantial.”

Obviously, being 22w pregnant with Baby Girl brings to the table a whole new layer of emotions and fears and insecurities and memories.

But also, as time is passing, and as we draw closer to Duncan’s first birthday, I’m feeling a rising anxiety to make sure that his place in our family is established, and that the events of last May are not overshadowed by the coming events of this May.

I mentioned months ago that I am writing out in extraordinary detail the events of the week surrounding Duncan’s delivery.  It is a slow, emotional process, as you can imagine.  I’m having a hard time finding hours in my schedule to sit, and remove myself from distractions, and give to his story the attention I want.

So, today, I simply ask that you continue to hold my hand as we round this last curve in the inaugural year.  I desperately want to have his story down on paper before his sister arrives, and it’s amazing to me how quickly the days are fleeting.

Dearest baby boy,

You are missed, and you are thought of, and you are loved as much as ever.



Heidi Walker said...

It is good to see such a thoughtful and considerate mother. I was born on my brothers 2nd birthday. Although we are fairly close it has always been a little weird for my mom to express how each of us are loved in a unique way. You are doing great keep it up.

Heidi Walker

phasejumper said...

You've got it!

Sara said...

I'm always here for you, Monica. Just a phone call away if you ever need an ear. I wish I could volunteer babysitting services so you can have your time to write Duncan's story. *hugs* Love you!

Kelly said...

Here for you. (((hugs)))

Holly said...

Happy 8 month birthday, Duncan. Sending love and prayers.

crystal theresa said...

Happy 8 Months in Heaven, Ducan! and love and ((hugs)) to your sweet momma.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

I'm here...holding your hand...praying for you...

Lisa Leonard said...

this is SUCH a beautiful blog. sending hugs! L

Stacy D said...

Oh Mon, I am praying. It is so hard, and like you, I desperately want Isaac's place to be established before Eliana arrives just as you do Duncan's before your baby girl gets here.

I am here, I am praying, and I will continue to be here to laugh with you, cry with you and lift you up to our Father.

Jenn said...

Loving you and praying for you, Monica.

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