Thursday, May 28, 2009

4 minutes, 8 seconds

In case you ever need to know, it only takes 4 minutes and 8 seconds to complete an over-the-phone order for an infant urn.

I feel like it should have been a much more involved process, but I'm finding that there are a lot of formalities surrounding the death of a child that are pretty straightforward. The hospital release, the health permit form at the funeral home, the urn. Sign here, here, and here.

And just like that, I'm relieved from any duty as Duncan's mommy. No field trip permission forms or report cards to sign. No baseball uniforms to purchase or trumpet lessons to arrange. No late-night-Christmas-Eve assembling parties or last minute dashes to the supply store for...well, for whatever it is he would have wanted for his fifth birthday party.

Just a few drops of ink and rattling off a credit card number, and it's done. So quick, and so final.

And that is SO hard.

19 comments:

crystal theresa said...

your family is in my thoughts. i'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye to Duncan so soon. finding an urn for my baby boy was such a painful task. and it breaks my heart that you had to go through that, as well.

Sara said...

I'm so sorry, Mon. Truly. *hugs*

phasejumper said...

Still praying...

Lindsey said...

Not sure how I came across your blog...possibly by Kellys Korner...but just wanted you to know you are being prayed for and lifted up.

Lindsey

http://arewardfromhim.blogspot.com

Stacy D said...

It si so hard... you are right. Nothing about it feels like it should, especially when you consider all the things you would long to do for him, but won't have the chance.

Still praying friend... call me any time.

~ Stacy

Kendra said...

Thoughts...love...hugs...prayers...

CandMB said...

Ok, I'm calling right now.

MB

Jenny said...

We've been thinking about you guys a lot. Hang in there!

gottaluvboyz said...

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you, Jim, and Seth. I am so sorry.

Michele said...

You are so right. The world out there is prepared for this; we are not.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. But, you are stronger than you think. I never even ordered an urn; Grace's ashes are still in a plastic bag within a plastic box that the crematory gave me. It would fill a thimble, yet, I am not ready to make it final yet.
I'm thinking of you all the time.

kdbou said...

(((hugs)))

Ryans Mama said...

I came to your blog from Mollie's blog. My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry you and your family have to go through this. I am praying for you and your family.

mandie lane said...

M, I'm so sorry. And sending you so much love and strength as you miss Duncan. So many people miss Duncan- please know that- I'm so sad there won't be pictures to admire and funny stories to share of your sweet second son. But he's not forgotten and will never be.

xoxo

Amanda said...

You will always be Duncan's Mommy. Just because he's up in Heaven playing with Jesus right now, doesn't mean you aren't still and always will be his Mommy.

Still praying.

Angela said...

Oh, wow. I'm so dreadfully sorry. That is something that no parent should ever have to know.

The Patterson Family said...

I don't know you and you don't know me. I came across your site through a mutual friend (B. Fryman). I am deeply moved by you loss and am praying for you everyday. However, I felt the need to tell you that you inspire me in the grace and pride that you impart when you are telling the story of your son. I haven't stopped thinking of you and praying for you.

Thank you, for you will never know how you have touched my life.

Rebekah - A Wife and Mom said...

I am so sorry for your loss ... there are no words ...

Rebekah and her girls

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

So sorry...

Sara said...

I'm so sorry. It is so hard - I know. There is nothing "normal" about dealing with the finality of losing a child. Planning my son's funeral was miserable. My heart is with you and my prayers are with you.
I hope you get to feeling better soon - preeclamsia stinks. The sooner it is out of your system, the better.
Many prayers.