Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Anybody else wanna fess up?

Jamie - boy
Rebecca - girl
Melanie - boy
Melissa - tbd
Heather - boy
Britanni - boy
Jill - tbd
Rhonda -tbd
Marlo - girl
Jo - girl
Rebekah - boy
Melissa - tbd
Emily - tbd
Amanda - tbd
Beth - girl
Brooke - tbd
Stephanie - girl
Wendy - boy
Kelly - boy
Laura - girl

All my girlfriends, of varying degrees of closeness. Some are gal pals from college, some are coworkers, one is one of my best friends.

And they are all pregnant, due between July and November.

I'm not really upset about this. I seem to be taking bigger "issue" with the random, anonymous pregnant women across the waiting room at the obgyn's office. But the sheer volume of the list makes me a little dizzy. I mean, I know it's the "stage of life" that I and my contemporaries are in, but.....

There are twenty names in that list. Twenty.

And I'm fearful that it's a group I'll never be part of again.

12 comments:

Stacy D said...

I am so sorry... this is such a hard part of it all...let's talk soon.

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

I will tell you that I'm not on that list. But I completely get what you are saying. It's just EVERYWHERE when it's something that you don't want to notice. I am praying that you will be on that list again and for God's continuing grace and reassurance to cover you.
Hugs and love-

Daxton's Personal Assistant said...

After my twins were born so prematurely and one of them passed away, then the other one stayed so sick for son long, I had two close girlfriends who were due at the same time I had been. I tried to pretend it didn't bother me, that I was just happy their pregnancies were healthy and normal, and in a way I was, but every time I heard one of them complain about how tired they were of being pregnant, or how ready they were to get that kid out, or how uncomfortable they were, or how bad their stretch marks were... It killed me inside. I was supposed to feel that way. How DARE they complain about being so blessed! And, yes, random pregnant women in the waiting room or walking down the street... I didn't even know them but I literally hated some of them for a while.

So, I don't think you're wrong or crazy. I think it's normal and expected, and you have the right to feel that way as long as you want to.

Blair said...

I'm so sorry.

I went through this back at Christmas, when it felt like everyone I knew waited until Christmas (roughly 14-16 weeks) to announce their pregnancies.

I felt like screaming to the universe, "SERIOUSLY?!?!"

Kristin (kekis) said...

Yes, the random/anonymous/flyby/driveby/strangers that are pg are hard, but it IS still very difficult when everyone around you is expecting while you hurt, grieve, and wait. It's okay to know and admit that. It's also okay to be happy for them while being sad for yourself. I can't fess up to anything because I feel like I'll never be able to join that group. Plus, I'd tell you personally vs. post it randomly on here. You're still in my prayers . . . love to you.

Sarah B. said...

OMG! I can wholeheartedly say that I understand your feelings with this. If you read my blog, I have discussed this issue lightheartedly. Derek and I have been trying since December of 2007--2007! I don't have quite as many friends pregnant, but I know at least seven that I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sooooo happy for them, but at the same time resentful. It's like, why me? Why us?

I've even gone as far to think, "Why are certain (ill-fitting parents--you know the ones) people allowed to procreate multiple (too many times) while I can't seem to have one baby?"

This is so hard. I feel so badly for you and Jim.

Hugs and more hugs and prayers, too.

Sara said...

I am not on that list either. But, I can give you hugs! I need to call you. *hugs* I love you!

Kendra said...

Praying....

Michelle Burdick said...

Hugs!!! I can't imagine how you feel but you are in my prayers!!!

Adventure Mom Janna said...

Dear Monica,

I've visited your blog twice now and plan on adding it to my reading list.

Although I have only had 1 early miscarriage, losing a child will probably always be one of my biggest fears.

I've been reading of several sad stories like yours recently which has really made me think a lot.

Here are some of my recuring thoughts on these events

Remember to ask God How he will use this in your life instead of the torturing why He chose to bring this in your life.

My dad died at 41, I was ll and I thought it was a "bad" thing. Now I have been able to be there as teacher to many students whose parents have died or left b/c of divorce.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

I hesitated to say anything b/c I'm so afraid to say the wrong thing but you have been on my heart all week and I just had to write you.

You are a great writer and I saw you are a trained writer. It seems to me you may have book writing in your future.

Marlo said...

It's not fair. And I won't pretend like it is. :(

Rhonda said...

Monica,
For your sake, I'm sorry that I'm on that list. Honestly! I hate that it is you that has had to be put to the test lately, but remember that God knows your heart and your deepest desires. I believe that He will grant you those desires and will once again put you on that "I'm having a baby!" list. He did for my sister, Amy, and I'm sure He will for you as well. Love you lots!