Friday, June 19, 2009

Milestone - One

Today really isn't our "first" milestone.

We've already passed the saying goodbye, the funeral home, the first week, returning to TN, ordering the urn, postpartum visits with my doctors, returning newborn clothing, etc.

But today marks one month since we welcomed Duncan in our arms.

One month since I was given the gift of a vaginal delivery, something I was told I'd never experience. One month since I truly saw the depths of my husband's faith. One month since I looked at the never-to-open eyes of my second son and felt absolute recognition. One month.

I would have been 29 weeks pregnant tomorrow. It hurts so much that I'm not.


You have known nothing but the joy of heaven, and for that I am grateful. But Mommy is selfish. I want you here.

You have the coolest big brother ever; I wish with all my heart that you would be toddling along after him. And if you think Seth is cool...oh, you would just adore your daddy. Seth gets all his coolness from him.

And me? Well, I don't know how cool I am, but I think I do pretty well in the loving department. You would be -- you ARE -- so loved, little fighter. I would have loved to have had more than 12 hours to rock you, hold you, sing to you. If it would have kept you close to me, I'd have gladly stayed 6 months pregnant forever.

As each day passes, you become more real to me. Your absence is felt more profoundly. You are missing from our home. You are missing from my arms.

You are gone, but you are anything but forgotten.

Happy one month birthday, baby boy.

I love you so.


PS: One of the ministries we have been personally blessed by is Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women. Yesterday, I learned of a blogger who is donating $1 to this worthy ministry for every comment left on her blog. Please, go here and leave a comment. So many we'll never meet will benefit from the funds raised to support Kelly and her team at Sufficient Grace. Thank you!


Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Praying for you, sweet are heavy on my heart today...

And...thank you...

Anonymous said...

As usual your words are beautiful. You leave me with tears in my eyes. You are strong and such a wonderful wife, mother and daughter. Duncan will be missed on his one month birthday but will always be in my heart. Love from St. Augustine

Valerie said...

Monica -

Sending lots of prayers to you, Jim, & Seth. You are always in my thoughts.


mandie lane said...

He's missed by SO many, Monica. Not a day goes by that I don't think of and pray for your sweet Duncan. I know today has to be rough, not that the other days are picnics, but milestones really are difficult.

xoxo said...

Monica - I'm thinking of you always. You're in always in my prayers.

Janna said...

I agree. From the moment I found out I was pregnant that baby was sooo real to me.

I knew another little soul was growing inside of me and every activity, every meal, every trip I knew I wasn't alone and I made my choices more carefully.

I didn't speak to the baby outloud most of time. Usually it was just a daydreaming sort of chatter of how much I loved the baby and looking forward to meeting her.

I totally understand your letter to Duncan and your "selfishness" in wanting to have him here to love and care for.

Sara said...

Love you & praying for you always. *hugs*

Kendra said...