Friday, March 19, 2010

Ten months

This is not a “comfortable” time of year for me.  Spring is slowly coming to our area.  65-degree days are mixing with 40-degree days.  Brave daffodils are poking through mulch and soil in need of tilling.  Warm rays of sun spill through the trees onto our deck.

Our deck, that overlooks our wooded lot.  Our lot, that afforded someone the opportunity and privacy to violate our home.  Our home, that for the month of April 2009, felt cold and disorganized and cluttered and upside down.

Hah.

And I thought April was the upside down month?

April brought police reports and ambulance rides and cold sores and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Prozac and elevated blood pressure, and then I blinked….

…and it was May 19th.

May 19th, upside down got redefined.

Upside down became so much more than an empty safe, a broken door, a stolen identity.

Upside down became an empty womb, a broken heart, a stolen innocence.

I hate that this time of year takes me back to a really dark, really sad time in my life.  Because right now I feel that Duncan’s story – the chapter of my life where he is front and center – is drawing to a close.  Not that his presence will vanish…..but if I’m being honest….time is shifting.

A baby is coming.

A (God-willing) living, breathing, crying, pooping, gurgling baby that will take center stage, for a time, in our home.  A baby that will become my most recent-born, shifting Duncan into his eternal role as our middle child.

Is this making any sense to anyone other than me?

I guess it doesn’t need to.

I know in my heart where I’m at; what I’m feeling; how I’ve healed; and how, at times, I’m still grieving, even if I can’t articulate it.

Apple Jack,

You’re getting a sister for your birthday.  Is that okay?  (Say yes, ‘cause I can’t do anything to change that.)

You hold a special place in my heart; in Daddy’s, too, though he doesn’t say much.  You are our son.  Our second-born.  Our fighter, then and always.

Change is coming, and I know to many, it’ll look one way, when in fact, it’s not.  I know you don’t need Mommy to defend it, but….well, that’s just how I’m made.  You would’ve learned that.  (I tend to overcomplicate things.)  Please just know that your place is secure.

I love you.

Mommy

Thursday, March 18, 2010

How to make Green Spit

First of all, just let me thrown this disclaimer out there: I HATE that Jim’s family calls this dessert “Green Spit.”  Hate it.  But, alas, that’s just one of those things that you accept when you marry into a family.

Some people inherit Christmas in July, or a crazy Uncle Bert, or ugly china.

Me?  I got unending grass-stained laundry, Pittsburgh Steelers paraphernalia, and Green Spit.

Despite its name, it’s yummy, and it’s one of the things that my mother-in-law knows makes me happy pretty much any day of the week.  Like dark chocolate and Garden Salsa SunChips.

So, when Seth was in Ohio in February for his extended visit, Linda took it upon herself to teach Seth how to assemble this treat for me.

Interpeeps, I give you Seth’s step by step guide to Green Spit:

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I’ll be sure to leave you with the actual recipe, but just in case you had any trouble following Seth’s pictorial instructions, it’s basically:

  • start with a big bowl of Cool Whip;
  • taste;
  • maybe add mandarin oranges, if the fancy strikes;
  • taste;
  • dump in marshmallows,
  • taste;
  • dump in more marshmallows;
  • taste;
  • dump in the rest of the bad of marshmallows;
  • and eat whopping spoonfuls between each step.

But make sure Grandpa isn’t invading, which is what the last few pictures seem to say to me:

“Hmmm…..what’s he doing?”

“Okay, he seems distracted.”

“More for me!”

Could you not just eat him up?!  So sweet!

And speaking of sweet….here’s the recipe:

Linda’s Green Spit

2 small boxes pistachio pudding
1 9 oz. tub Cool Whip
1 can mandarin oranges (drained)
1 can crushed pineapple 
1/2 bag miniature marshmallows

Consider this a belated St. Patrick’s Day post! =)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

30w update

We’re rounding third! =)

How far along: 30w.  It is a little unreal.  I remember trying so hard to make it to this milestone with Seth, and then I did, and then things seemed to move rapid-fire from there.  So….to be 30w with Baby Girl makes me feel like history may repeat itself; that all of a sudden, I’m going to blink, and she’ll be here.  (Which wouldn’t be a bad thing….I just don’t feel ready.) 

Total weight gain
: Due to the nastiest 24-hour bug I’ve ever had, I was down about a pound and a half at my last appointment.  And yes, I took perverse pleasure in having the nurse move the weight to the left of the mark I set it on to start with.  It will be short lived joy, I’m sure.  But whatever.  It felt good nonetheless.

Maternity clothes?  Yep.  Almost entirely.  Although I do have on regular yoga pants and a regular sweater today.  Only maternity thing is my tee shirt.  (And really, I think this is the last week I’m going to bother with this question, because, let’s face it, I’m only getting bigger from here on out.  Let’s put it this way: I’ll let you know when I’m completely OUT of maternity clothes.) 

Sleep:
Not really impressed with my Ambien script just yet.  I’m only taking half doses, per Dr. M’s instructions, and it seems to take FOREVER to kick in. 

Best moment this week:
Taking my mother to my 30w ultrasound.  This is something I’ve gotten to share with all the grandmothers now, and it really meant a lot for me to have her there to see Baby Girl in utero. 

Movement
:  Like crazy. =)  She is a little wiggleworm to be sure.  She was head down at my appointment Thursday, but I swear, she already has flipped over again, and is tap dancing on my cervix.

Labor Signs/Body Changes of Note: Nothing notable.  Because I’m anemic and now taking an iron pill, I’m having some serious conversations with my digestive system, but nothing too bad.  Yet. 

What I miss : Eating without heartburn repercussions.  I’m so over TUMS.

What I am looking forward to:
scheduling my c-section at my 32w appt. on 4/1.

Stats: B/P: 127/78; heart rate: 128; est. weight: 3 lbs, 2 oz. (49%); next appt: 3/18

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Surprisingly, not dead

I have a lot to talk about.

I’m, obviously, still alive, though it’s been a fight, and I’ve taken down a couple comrades along the way, but I doubt you want the gory details of that.

I’ve had a wonderful, crazy, noisy, emotional, pink, sugary weekend, and it’s left me feeling completely emotionally zapped.  Not necessarily in a bad way….just in an exhausted way.  I’ve smiled a lot, laughed a lot, slept a lot, cried a lot, eaten a lot, and loved a lot.

Which has left me no energy to blog.

Today.

Tomorrow is a whole ‘nother story. ;)

For now, though, to offer up proof that I am indeed alive and well and healthily pregnant – at almost 30 weeks!!! – here is a glimpse of a part of my weekend:

blanket w text

I promise to be back ASAP with more pictures of Baby Girl’s party, details of my fun girls’ weekend, a status report on Baby Girl’s last MFM appointment, happy birthday shout-outs to some of my favorite girls, and maybe a cute picture of Seth thrown in for good measure.

Thanks for sticking around, faithful readers.  I was on a roll in early March….and then….well, life.  It happens.

Be back SOON!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I may be dead.

I’m not 100% sure, but I think I just might not be alive anymore.

I sat bolt upright in bed at 4:36 am Tuesday morning, and realized I felt sick to my stomach, which I ruefully blamed on the new iron pill I started taking because, apparently, Baby Girl has decided to make me anemic.

Anyway, I tossed, turned, woke Jim up, and basically prayed to heaven that the queasiness would pass.

And it did, sort of, about 6:40 am, when…..ahem…..yeah.  Let’s just say that there isn’t enough Lysol in the world to rectify the damage that I did to our master bathroom this morning.

I (lovingly, of course) got rid of Seth, and spent the entire day in bed; or on the bathroom floor.  It’s currently 7:43 pm and I’ve managed to keep down a piece of toast and a cup of flat 7 Up.  But the night is young.

Oh, and did I mention I’m about to have houseguests?  Yeah.

I’m glad they love me, because the house is NOT ready.

The sheets haven’t been changed, the fridge has not been stocked, the counters have not been cleaned, and I generally feel unprepared to play hostess.  Oh, well.

There is much a “pregnant Monica” that is a study in humility.

In the meantime, please pray that this “thing” was just the sad result of a last-minute decision to have Backyard Burger for dinner on Monday, and not something like a delayed case of the swine flu.

But I’ll let you know.

I have an ultrasound with MFM tomorrow, hence the delay in the 29w update.  Hopefully, I’ll be back – alive – with a good report tomorrow night.

If not….assume I am, indeed, dead.

xoxoxox

Friday, March 5, 2010

Rude awakening

Why didn’t anyone tell me that Daylight Savings Time is NEXT SUNDAY?

march

Seriously?

How is that possible?  And Easter is on April 4th?  I’m as ready as the next person is for some sunshine, but does this seem EARLY to anyone besides me?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

28w Update

How far along? 28w2d.  It feels really, really surreal to be this far.  I mean, on one hand, the pregnancy has been eternal, already; but on the other hand, I can remember the day I took the home pregnancy test like it was just yesterday. 

Total weight gain
: I’m up 4 lbs since my last ob appt, which puts me at 8 for the pregnancy.  Dr. M continues to assure me that she is still thrilled with my gain – to be this far along and only 8 lbs up.  But the fact remains that all this weight is in the last 5 weeks, and I currently weigh the most I ever have in my life.  I know it’ll come off.  But still.  Any time the scale creeps (up) into a new range, you cringe.

Maternity clothes?  Yep.  Almost entirely.  I did get into a pair of my regular pants last week, and I even got them buttoned.  But I couldn’t breathe normally, so I took them off. ;) 

Sleep:
It’s been elusive.  Like, usually only 2-3 hours a night elusive.  So I finally asked Dr. M for an Ambien prescription, and it’s currently being filled at our friendly neighborhood Walgreen’s. 

Best moment this week:
Welcoming Eliana Jane, the sweet daughter of my dear friend Stacy.  Her healthy birth is a direct answer to much prayer by many people.

Movement
:  Like crazy. =)  She is a little wiggleworm to be sure. 

Labor Signs/Body Changes of Note: Some stretch marks have started to rear their ugly heads, but I’m dealing. 

What I miss : My reflection without puffy, dark-circled eyes.

What I am looking forward to:
having my 30w ultrasound with my mother present next week.  I’m sure it’ll be a treat for us both.

Stats: B/P: 120/60; heart rate: 145; next appt: 3/11

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Either my Prozac needs to be upped, or I just had a really bad case of the “Mondays”

I know Tuesday is my usual Baby Girl status report, but since I don’t see Dr. Morgan until Thursday, I figured I’d postpone it until I actually had something worthwhile to report.

Instead, I’m going to be very indulgent (to steal a quickly-becoming-overused phrase of Idol judge Simon Cowell), and just vent about how lousy my Monday was.  Sometimes, as petty as it seems, just getting it out of my head and down on paper can help me move on.

12:11 (just past midnight): give up trying to fall asleep in my own bed, and stumble to the couch in an attempt to get comfortable.

1:04ish: doze off in a fitful sleep

2:34: awake, startled, and flee to the bathroom, where I lose the contents of my stomach in a very yucky, violent manner.  Down a couple TUMS, pat BG in reassurance that she, too, wouldn’t be yanked up my esophagus, and collapse back onto the couch.

6:08: stumble back into bed when Jim leaves for work; toss and turn

6:30: hit the snooze button

6:38: hit the snooze button again

7:00 – 7:22: enjoy a slight reprieve in the terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad morning to feed, snuggle with, and see off Seth

8:20: fall back asleep, and dream of boys from high school. (Jed, Joel – if there is any chance you’re reading this…..hi.)

12:01: wake up, feeling worse than before.  Marvel in horror that it is NOON and realize that I am NEVER going to be able to fall asleep tonight.

12:32: head to the local tire repair store, where Jim assured me that it would be “simple and cheap” to repair the nail puncture in my right rear tire.

2:28: tire repair guy comes into waiting room (where both my bladder and my back were protesting the 2-hour stint in a plastic chair) to tell me he can’t fix my tire.  He motions me to follow him to the garage so he can show me exactly why (as if I’ll understand any of it).  Long story short: he can’t fix the tire; he won’t put the tire back on my car; I either have to use the spare or buy a new tire.  All I’m able to translate is: what a waste of time!

3:18: see on Facebook that a friend is expecting her fourth baby.  Happy for her…but…..oh, hello, Jealousy.  I see you’ve brought your companion Bitter along this time.  Rather than reiterate, here is what I posted to my online gal pals:

A friend just announced she is expecting #4 on FB.

I'm jealous.

It's not fair.

I've been pregnant 5 times with 6 babies, and will have 2 to show for it.

I am over the moon grateful for Seth, for Duncan, and for this little one I'm carrying. Wanting "more" feels selfish, but yet....

I'm sad that I'll never again post "another little one is on the way...."

I'm sad that the decision to stop the growth of our family has been taken from my hands.

I'm sad that I have to feel resentful of people who I genuinely care for, just because they are blessed with uncomplicated fertility.

I hate that I think I need to up my Prozac dosage, because I hate being on it in the first place.

I hate that my fertility and inability to healthily carry a baby to term has shaped so much of who I am and how I think and how I respond to the world around me -- especially given this baby-making stage-of-life that we are in.

3:21: unclog the half-bath toilet. I’ll spare you the details of that one.

3:23: spill an entire bottle of Blueberry Pomegranate Gatorade all over the counter, the dishwasher, the cabinets, me, and my shoes.

4:10: rip the elastic bra out of my favorite yellow pajama top while trying to pull it over my growing torso.  Grr.

7:19: Seth smeared the remnants of a brownie on the cream upholstery of my dining room chairs.

8:49: Bachelor Jake let Tenley go, and proceeded to propose to Vienna.  Ew.  (Seriously?)

11:45: Jim got called back to work.  Yes.  At almost midnight.  Sigh.

Monday, March 1, 2010

School Daze

My boy is home from a two week vacation in the great north with snow and grandparents galore, and it is back to our daily routine.

We wake, pop a “toastie” (either a Toaster Strudel, Pop Tart, or waffle) in the toaster, and curl up with Playhouse Disney for a bit.  A cup of milk, a clean diaper, and a wardrobe change round out the seven o’clock hour, and then we begin our vigil: waiting either at the window or on the front porch (depending on how eager he is) to see Miss Jamie’s minivan come down the street.school days 006

One of the best parts about having Seth picked up for “school” (i.e. Mother’s Day Out) by our sweet friend Jamie is that she lives just up the street.  In fact, we can see her driveway from ours.  And nothing brings a smile to my face faster than seeing Seth’s delight as he notices Miss Jamie’s garage door open.

He’ll jump and clap and grin up at me like a fool for the entire 35 seconds it takes for her minivan to pass the five houses that separate us.  She’ll pull in the driveway, hitting the button that automatically opens the rear door, and just like that, he’s off – climbing up into his seat, waving goodbye to me, struggling to disentangle himself from the straps of his “pack-pack.”

He returns to me, eleven long hours later, crumbs from lunch and a daily report crammed into the bottom of his Thomas bag.  His babbles on about Mac and Hayden and the rest of his “peeps,” placing his shoes next to the front door – just like daddy.  He helps set the table for dinner, keeping up a constant stream of chatter all the while, and just basically, grows up a little more each night, right before my eyes.

Friday, February 26, 2010

More nursery inspiration

Thanks to Kami at the fabulous Make and Takes blog for the inspiration:

birdcage inspiration

Thanks to my local Goodwill for this $5 find last summer:

before birdcage 
I  know: Ewww!  Don’t worry.  The “moss” and “ivy” and, well, you can’t even really call it “ribbon” is already long gone.  It’s been sitting in my living room, empty, since I purchased it in August, and I’m super excited to now have a vision for it.

Anybody want to put in their $.02 on color for the cage?  I know in my head what I want, but I’m curious to see what y’all say.  You’ve seen enough sneak peeks of the room to get the overall idea of where I’m going with it.  But really; what color do you think I should paint the cage?

Stay tuned!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

That’s some eyebrow

If you recall, I have a love/hate relationship with window valances, thanks to a seed planted by my girlfriend (and interior decorator) Daina that valances, to her, look like window eyebrows.

Well…..eyebrow or not, I’m pretty thrilled with (a) how BG’s window treatment turned out, and (b) that I did it all by myself.  (And Nester!  It’s a mistreatment, even!  No sewing machine involved at all!)

In just a few simple steps, I went from a concept to a finished product, with not a whole lot of money, and only a little bit of time and effort.

This wrinkled fabric scrap:

mix butterfly

And this photo for inspiration:

valance idea

Became this length of yumminess:

valance complete - overview

That looks like this, all hung up:

valance complete - cropped

I have been stalling on posting these pictures because I can’t get the lighting in the room quite right, and because I’m really looking forward to doing a major reveal post once the room is all pulled together.

But since you all we so instrumental in helping me pick the fabric and offering your opinions on the valance patterns, I felt I owed it to you to share the finished product.

The whole thing was done with just a yard each of the facing and backing fabrics and a roll of iron-on hem tape.  I stitched (by hand, just enough to hold) the five scraps of gingham fabric at intervals to make ties, installed draw pulls (yes!  draw pulls!) right into the wall above the curtain rod, and tied the valance up – easy as 1, 2, 3!  I need to play with the swags a little bit more; I’m not 100% satisfied with it.

valance - under detail

But overall?  I couldn’t be happier.  Here is the total cost breakdown:

Full length, room darkening drapery panels: $10 x 2 from Dollar General Market = $20
Curtain rod: already installed = $0
1 yd. each, butterfly and polka dot fabric; Hob Lob 30% off = $7
Iron-on hem tape = $3
Metal draw pulls; Hob Lob 50% off $4 x 5 = $10
Grand Total for practical, beautiful, custom window treatments: $40

Considering that your most basic, one color, cotton panel and valance from, say, Target, would run you $25….I’m pretty darn proud of myself for turning out something I love with just a little more money, a can-do attitude to tackle a new endeavor, and a couple hours of sweat equity.  Go, me!

So, what do you think? =)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wish List Wednesday

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If you’re here from Hillary’s Friday Favorites, welcome! =)

I’m cheating a little this week, since I just  did this Wish List Wednesday post last week.  (Ahem.  Hil?  Pray tell, where did you get the idea for your blog carnival, anyway? ;p  Hmm?)  So, as to not bore my regular readers with a redundant post, here are the wonderful things that are on my “favorites” list this week, even if I don’t actually HAVE any of them.  Yet.

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Let’s deviate from Wordless Wednesday, shall we, so I can share with you all the yummy things I’ve recently decided I need would love to have, should an extra $500 gift card show up in my mailbox.

  • The soundtrack to the movie Valentine’s DayJim and I saw this movie over the weekend, and it was such a great experience.  Good cast, good story, good music.  I’ve checked out the soundtrack, and I can just see me playing it to Baby Girl as we hang out in her nursery (which is really coming along, by the way).

    vday st
  • Lisa’s new pewter heart.  Sigh.  Love.

    ll pewter heart pic
  • This painting of Kim’s:
    kim's caroline paintingOf course, not this exact painting, as I don’t plan to name the baby Caroline. But something like this.  I think this is my favorite font that Kim uses, and I really like the layering on this canvas.  So, yes.  Wish list and all that.  (Hey, Jim, how cute would it look if it said Reese?  How about Tessa Reese?)
  • We have inherited my great-grandmother’s buffet/sideboard, and it’s now at home on the back wall of our dining room.  I have a vision of how I want to accessorize it, and I think I’ve found the perfect lamp to go on each end:

    pier one paiden lamp
    The shade is very similar to the shades on our chandelier, and I love the shape and color of the base.  These lamps are currently on sale at Pier One, and I’m just trying to justify the cost. Oh, and I suppose I should ask Jim if he likes them…
  • Because I’m just so ready for spring:

    pc yankee
    I have never, ever justified the cost of Yankee Candles.  Not when WalMart sells equally yummy-smelling ones for a meager $5.  But.  I burnt a Yankee Candle’s Mistletoe all through December, and now I’m hooked.  I LOVED the way the whole house would fill with the aroma, and I’m ready to have that house-filling delightfulness again, with a springy twist.

So, there’s just a little peek into what I’ve been lusting over the past few days.  But until my AmEx gift card shows up, I’ll satisfy myself with the more readily-available treat of Zantac and TUMS.  This late-pregnancy heartburn is kicking. my. butt.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

27w update

How far along? I am OFFICIALLY in the third and final trimester of my pregnancy.  It’s bizarre, but great.  I wish I knew exactly how much longer I had to go – be it 6 weeks, or 8, or 10, but I don’t.  So today, I’ll just be giddy with happiness that I’ve made it this far with a healthy baby girl, and pray that she stays put until she is good and ready to make an appearance. 

Total weight gain
: Since last week, I don’t know, and I don’t care to know.  I have a number in my head that I do NOT want to see on my chart between now and delivery, but I have to keep telling myself that this is just a number, and my body, as history has proven, is just going to do what it is going to do.  The weight will go on, and sure as shootin’ it will come off.  Eventually. 

Maternity clothes?  Can I just say, I need new bras.  That is all.

Sleep:
Thanks to a vaporizer and some night-formula cold medicine, it’s been better this past week than in recent weeks.

Best moment this week:
Date night with Jim on Saturday.  We had a nice dinner out, saw Valentine’s Day, and spent the night at the Doubletree Suites (thanks to a gift certificate I won at MOPS last spring). 

Movement
:  All the time.  In fact, when I discovered that the name Reese means “enthusiasm,” I thought we’d found her name for sure.  It just seemed to fit.  (But then Jim informed me that Reese is a boy name…. Oh, well.)

Labor Signs/Body Changes of Note: Nope.  Yea for nope!

What I miss : Still Seth.  He will be home on Thursday, with my favorite in-laws in tow! 

What I am looking forward to:
seeing my MIL this weekend, having an u/s next week, and then having a great time of celebrating Baby Girl with my sweet friends in two weeks.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Baby Girl’s name…

IS NOT:

Eleanor

Erin

Reese

Jillian

Kendall

Stella

Lauren

MIGHT STILL BE:

Tessa

Chelsea

Rachael

Elizabeth

Sara

Gracyn

I’m still very much open to suggestions.  I want something not-too-trendy, and that has a special meaning.  Jim is still completely confused as to why I’m preoccupied with this issue – and I think we’ve just come to the “agree to disagree” point of the discussion: I’m obsessed with naming her, and he thinks we have all the time in the world.

Some of my closest girlfriends are having baby girls, and they’re all named already.  I’m jealous.  If Vivian, Eleanor, Eliana, Abbey, and Rebecca all get to be named, why can’t Baby Girl?

Help?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

How much do I miss him?

seth mack

There aren’t words to say.

I love the little “V” his hair is making in the back.  Oh, the joys of having a child with a double crown.

Only four more sleeps until he is back home!  Yea!!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

2 year portraits

I’ve been ridiculously lax in the photography department, well, for Seth’s whole life, pretty much.  Kind of like keeping a baby book, or faithful scrapbooking, regular photo sessions just seemed to be one of the things I’m just doomed to failed at.

Thankfully, each February, we have reason to travel to Ohio, and my mother-in-law steps in, and we get professional portraits of Seth taken.  Whew!

While I can admit that it’s hard for this momma to let go of “creative control,” I think the pictures turned out cute!

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It was actually really emotional for me to receive the CD with these pictures in the mail from my mother-in-law.  It’s been 8 days since I’ve seen my little man, and I just can’t get over how not-a-baby he looks in these pictures.  In the first one, especially, he doesn’t even appear “toddlerish” to me – he looks like a little boy.  How?  How did this happen?

I know this is only a taste of what is to come.  I’m sure the first picture we’ll take of him and his baby sister will blow me away even moreso than these portraits.   Seth’ll look like a giant in comparison to her.  But I guess that is just how life ebbs and flows, huh?

Friday, February 19, 2010

Nine months

This one really snuck up on me.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor, matching sock pairs, and it hit me.  Today is the 19th.

And I don’t feel much of anything, in that regard.

And I refuse to feel guilty about that.

I am busy living my life right now – as boring and one-dimensional as that may be.  I eat, I rest, I do what little I can around my home without breaking too many bedrest rules.  I watch a lot of HGTV and Food Network; I read a LOT of books and even more blogs.  I toss feminine names around in my head all day long, trying out different combinations.  I think about Seth; his vocabulary, his potty training, his eating habits – all the things a mom-of-a-toddler thinks about.

And being consumed with the well-being of my son and husband, and becoming wonderfully excited and preoccupied with the looming arrival of our daughter, I find there is little space or energy to be drawn into the missing of Duncan.

There are daily reminders of him, to be sure.  Each day, I lather on the same cocoa butter body lotion I used during his pregnancy.  I methodically price items for the spring consignment sale, fully aware that I no longer have need for baby boy onesies.  Each time my mind scrambles to calculate Baby Girl’s kick count, I think of my sweet second son.

I think of him; I remember my time with him.  But do I miss him?

That’s hard to answer.  Or maybe I just don’t want to, for fear that the honest answer isn’t the “politically correct” one.

So maybe we’ll just leave the truth of that one between Duncan and me.

*********

Apple Jack,

You will always BE, baby boy.  Your place in our family is uniquely yours and absolutely secure.  You are forever loved; forever a part of us.  Thank you for the lessons in love and life that you had no idea you would teach me.  I will forever be a better mommy to your brother and sister because of how you changed me.  I love you.

Mommy

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

26w Update

How far along? 26w1d.  I’m closing in on the third trimester! 

Total weight gain
: 3 lbs up.  Yikes.  I’ve gained my first pound of pregnancy weight, which Dr. Morgan assured me I can breathe easily over.  To be over 75% done with my pregnancy and to only have gained 3 lbs. is “more than acceptable.”  Especially considering that 2 of those 3 lbs. is all Baby Girl! 

Maternity clothes?
Of course.  But I also sported a super cute non-maternity top to the doctor on Tuesday, and felt half-way human.

Sleep:
Yes, please.   Sleep would be so much better than the nightmares where I keep getting chased, caught, tortured, and then EATEN by loin-clothed cannibals.  (Yeah; that was Sunday.)

Best moment this week:
Finally getting some medicine for my lingering sore throat/sinus and/or upper respiratory infection.  C’mon, pharmaceuticals, do your thing. 

Movement
: After a slight change in behavior last week that, admittedly, had me scrambling for the phone to schedule an emergency ultrasound, she has resumed her normal, over-the-top, won’t stop for a minute behavior. 

Labor Signs/Body Changes of Note: Things are pretty stable right now.  (Imagine that; bedrest is actually working.  Obedience is a power thing.)  I have to have some blood work done in 2 weeks, in addition to my glucose test, but I’m feeling fairly confident that all is well under the surface. 

What I miss : Seth.  He is going to be in Toledo for another whole week, and while Jim and I are taking full advantage of this “babymoon,” we both miss our little man.  Only knowing he is having a great time with his grandparents makes this bearable. 

What I am looking forward to:
A date on Saturday night, seeing my mom in just a couple weeks, and starting to fill up Baby Girl’s closet thanks to the generous hand-me-downs from Beth and Sara.
 
Stats: B/P: 130/70; BG heartrate: 144; urine: clear (no trace protein); platelets: 99

Sunday, February 14, 2010

A real LOVE story

loveisallaround I’ve been sick in bed this weekend.

I’ve read the first three books in the Twilight series.

I’ve watched a dozen chick flicks on USA, Lifetime, and ABC Family, running back to back to back for 48 hours in honor of Valentine’s Day.

I’ve slept a lot, and drank a lot of tea, and just been pretty out of it in general.

And then, I started surfing the web, which, honestly, I don’t do all that often.  I have my favorite sites to shop, and blogs to read, and forums to stay caught up on, but I don’t often stray from my normal.

But one, two, three quick hops from random links led me to the most amazing story.

It’s left me full of wonder and awe and appreciation.  It is a love story unlike any other I’ve encountered this “holiday” weekend.  And I have to share it with you.

http://enjoyingthesmallthings.blogspot.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

10 random things that made me happy this week

  1. Having my house deep-cleaned by a sweet lady in our church.  (The fact that she was at my home from 9:30 until 5:30 speaks to two things: one, how thorough a job she did [and how bad my kitchen really was]; and two, how much we enjoyed each other’s company.)
  2. Pepperoni pizza with ranch dressing.
  3. Brazil Nut scented products from The Body Shop.
  4. The vast selection of interesting books in the juvenile fiction section of our itty bitty library.
  5. Unexpected (but welcome) news of a surprise pregnancy from a sweet, sweet friend.
  6. Ordering the installation of a sunroof in my car!  (I’m guessing this counts as my Valentine’s Day gift, huh, Jim?)
  7. Unlimited supply of crushed ice from my freezer door.
  8. Knowing how happy my mother-in-law is to have Seth at home with her.
  9. Discovering this blog.  More about that to come in a post next week.
  10. McDonald’s french fries and a Quarter-pounder with cheese.  We’ve had so many wonderful homemade meals brought to us in the last few weeks, I’d forgotten just how sinfully wonderful a drive-thru meal can be.

What made you happy this week?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Over the river…

And up I-75 I send my boys.  Off to Gramma and Grandpa, and off to LOTS of snow.

As I started to pack Seth’s suitcase for his Ohio get-away, I thought to check the extended forecast for Toledo:

image

It’s actually made my packing fairly easy.  Every pair of socks, every pair of jeans, every sweater, and every pair of fleece PJ’s that Seth owns has been lovingly folded and placed in his bag.  His Thomas the Train earmuffs and gloves are nestled on top of the flannel stacks, and an I-miss-you surprise is tucked away amid the denim folds.

These next 8 days are the longest I will have ever been away from Seth.  As much as I wish I were making the trek north with them, I know that this experience will be good for Seth.  You see, Jim will be leaving on Monday to return to Nashville, but will leave Roni-man in the capable and eager hands of his grandparents for the duration of next week.  They will bring him back to us the following weekend, and I’m sure he will have aged a month and grown a foot in the meantime.

So, tonight, I check items off my packing list, and brush aside an errant tear as I ready the boy for bed, knowing that it will be while before only a mere wall, and not a time zone, separates us as we sleep.

When did you get so big and independent, my little man?  Momma will miss you.  Build me a snowman; don’t forget to get your haircut; be sweet; make sure Gramma lowers the temperature in the hot tub (but, yes, I packed your trunks); take lots of pictures; give Aunt Roberta a squeeze for me.  I will see you in just a few sleeps.  I love you forever.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Curtain call

Several days after I posted about my fabric options for BG’s room, I scored BIG TIME in a surprising spot: Dollar General Market.

I knew that no matter what fabric I decided on for curtains, I’d have to line the fabric with room-darkening material if I had any hopes of successful afternoon naps with BG.  I hadn’t done any research on the cost of this material, though I’m sure it’s very reasonable; so when I found already-made, full-length, room-darkening drapery panels in the perfect shade of dark pink for only $10 at the Dollar General store, I snatched them up.

Originally, my plan was to send these panels to my grandma, with the appropriate lengths of whichever fabric we picked, and just have her combine the two.  But once I hung the panels up in the room, I was so happy with the way they looked, I started to waver on my vision for window treatments.

For the last few days, I’ve been working my way through thousands of gallery photos at HGTV’s Rate My Space site, looking for inspiration for window valances.  See, I’m weird about valances.  I’ve never used them, and ever since my girlfriend Daina told me she thinks they look like eyebrows, I’ve passed them over as a suitable window dressing.  But in the case of BG’s solo window, I think we may actually need a valance…..

So, these are the two options I’ve come across so far:

valance idea

valance idea 2

I love both of them, and I’ve decided that the two fabrics I’d pair are the pink gingham with the leaves:

mix butterfly

The problem I have now is that I have no pattern to work from for either of these valances, and I’m definitely not equipped as a seamstress to go off nothing more than an inspiration picture.

So my questions to you today, dear reader, are these:

1.  Which valance pattern do you prefer?

2.  What is the best way to go about recreating the valance when I don’t have a pattern?

*******************

Updated:  I did some digging, and found that the pattern for the first valance is from Pate Meadows.  I’m pretty sure that it is the Cuff Top valance, and while I’ll admit I’m NOT willing to pay $30 for a pattern……I’m thinking that I can make this work free-hand.  This chart tells me how much fabric I’ll need, just not quite how to make it all come together.  Hmmm……good thing I’ve got time on my hands to tackle this challenge.

Friday, February 5, 2010

My temporary mini-me

AP snow day

I love this girl.

Thursday night, her mommy Andrea and she brought us dinner – yummy chicken lasagna and turtle brownies – and, of course, little Miss AP had to check on the status of Baby Girl’s nursery.

While she and Seth were inspecting the crib and unloading the contents of the changing table, I was lamenting to Andrea that my belly button was definitely an outie.  I don’t understand why it stayed in with the boys and popped out so unexpectedly with this child.

Anyways….little ears and all that.

The following showed up on my Facebook wall this morning:

Does it surprise you that AP is now pretending that her belly button sticks out???? She keeps saying "I really don't like it. Mrs. Monica doesn't like hers either."

Hahaha!  I love this girl!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Living the nightmare: Part III (conclusion)

To start from the beginning, click here.

We pulled into the ambulance bay at Monroe Carrell Jr. Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt in record time, where Jim and neighbor Stephen were waiting for us.  Sweet Beau cradled Seth in his arms as he stepped from the rescue squad, making sure to wrap the thick cotton blanket snugly around his bare legs.  There was something reassuring about seeing Seth held securely in the grasp of this young EMT who I felt like I’d gotten to know.

(Something that I failed to mention earlier is that this EMT team of Beau and “Happy” were the same two technicians who accompanied me and Duncan on our whirlwind ambulance ride back in April.  I had joked with the guys earlier that night that I was just going to start requesting them by name if we had need to call 911 in the future.)

Beau rushed Seth through the double doors, while Jim and I, in true bureaucratic fashion, got hung up at the registration desk.  When we finished passing along the requisite insurance and guardian information, we set off down the hall to find our son….which wasn’t hard to do, because he was sitting on a gurney in the middle of the hallway.

Initially, I was irritated: post-seizure toddler, very pregnant mommy, and puking daddy, all left out in the hallway with no privacy or seat in sight.  But then I reigned in my emotions, and realized that it was a GOOD thing that we weren’t being viewed as “worthy” of a room – and I’m not being sarcastic.  I truly realized that I’d rather be in the hall, holding Seth’s hand, than in a room, with a dozen medical personnel hovered over my baby instead of me.

So, we pulled up a couple chairs next to Seth’s crib/cage/stretcher, positioned ourselves strategically next to the bathroom (for the sake of Jim’s overwrought digestive system), and settled in for a wait.

As the moments passed, the commotion of the emergency room seemed to draw Seth out of his lethargy.  As nurses tried to check his vitals, he started to show signs of annoyance – a truly welcome sight!  He kept pulling away from the nurses, and being to call for mommy.  What a beautiful sound!

His temperature continued to fluctuate, but we began to get good reports.  His ears and lungs were clear; his reflexes were good; and his eye contact was returning to normal.  Within the hour, he was guzzling apple juice (100% pure apple juice, mind you – full of yummy, natural sugar.  At 9 p.m.  Never again.), and playing with toy race cars brought to him by a sweet teenage volunteer.

We met with two different doctors who reassured us that we had done the right thing in calling 911 during Seth’s seizure.  All signs pointed to the following diagnosis: febrile seizure.  I’ve linked to a very comprehensive, user-friendly article from the Mayo Clinic that is sure to answer any questions you may have regarding these seizures better than I could ever hope to.  In layman’s terms, though, I’ll say, Seth had a sudden, drastic rise in temperature, most likely due to his body’s attempt to ward off an infection (possibly the same bug Jim had?), and as a result, had a minor seizure with no lasting effects or damage.

We were told that Seth is perhaps 30% more likely to have another seizure, similar in severity and duration, at some point in the next 3-4 years.  If he were to have a seizure again, we are to make sure his airways are clear, and lay him on his side, and, well, ride it out.  Until a seizure lasts more than 10 minutes in length, or occurs multiple times in a 24-hour time period, they are considered “normal” and not life-threatening.  Which, while great news, isn’t exactly comforting to a parent’s heart.

The good news is that by the time we were discharged at 11 pm that night, Seth was more than back to normal.

er vandy visit
Happy, (almost) healthy, and wound up from the apple juice and attention.  We were gifted with a new car seat from the volunteer staff at Vandy, and a $75 co-pay later, we were on our way home.  As hard as it was to place Seth in bed and walk from his room, both Jim and I needed our rest, desperately.  We prayed safety and slumber over our baby boy, and fell into our own bed.

Bright and early at 5 a.m Monday morning, Seth found us.  He was still feverish, but otherwise, no worse for the wear.  We stripped him down, gave him a sponge bath and some Tylenol, and tucked him into bed with us for another 3 hours of sleep.

Tuesday, the fever broke; and by Wednesday, after a full day of Mother’s Day Out, dinner with the Kings, and AWANA Puggles, he walked in the door at 8:15 p.m. and said to me, “wassup, Mom?  Where’s my peeps?”

Yeah.

I’d say we’re back to normal.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I can’t even come up with an adequate word…

I’m not usually one to keep up with trends.

I don’t have any real interest in Pandora bracelets (though I think my friend Marybeth has great taste in her beads and looks like a million bucks in her baubles).

I’ve never purchased a Coach purse, though…well, the aforementioned Marybeth gifted me with a sweet little Coach wristlet as a bridesmaid gift a few years ago.  Note: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will actually get ink out of cream-colored leather.  Don’t ask me how I know that.

Even Vera Bradley – which is HUGE down here in Tennessee – wasn’t on my radar, until I was given an awesome weekender bag as a Christmas/going-away gift from my boss last December.  That bag has seen more miles in the last 13 months than any other bag I’ve owned.

That said, the point of this post isn’t to applaud the style of my friends and coworkers.  It’s to tell you that I’m about to fall victim to the temptation that is trendy, adorable, probably-overpriced gear for my unborn, nameless baby girl.

Interpeeps, meet the Vera Bradley Baby Bag.

diaper bag

Isn’t she a vision of loveliness in her Raspberry Fizz print?  It is pink and orange, people!  Nameless Unborn Baby Girl is going to live in a room that is pink and orange!  And she needs this bag!!!

Now, the catch is, I would never – no matter how much I loved it – pay $97 for a diaper bag. Even though it makes more sense to pay $100 for a bag that you use ‘round-the-clock than to pay $200 for a bedding set that you really only purchase to look cute, not function well.  (Not that I did that or anything.)

But still…$97 for a bag?  I can’t do it.

But something about the fact that this particular print is on sale for $65 makes it so much more reasonable, in my opinion.  (Right?  Tell me you agree.)

After all, I have been doing some research on diaper bags, since Seth’s was used to death.  RIP sleek black messenger bag.  You served us well.  Anyway, the bags I’ve kept coming back to average about $50 a pop anyways.  So……

What would you guys do?  Settle for a BRU bag, or (kinda) splurge on the Vera one?  Help?!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

24w Update

How far along? 24w.  Our baby girl is “technically” viable.  All this means is that were she to be born alive today,  the attending physicians would be obligated to attempt to sustain her life.  I know that is very scientific sounding, but…..well, given the quality of life that a micro-preemie may have, “viable” just isn’t good enough for me.

Total weight gain
: 3 lbs up; I have finally arrived back at my starting pregnancy weight.  I blame Kelly.  She is corrupting me with Barefoot Contessa brownies.  It’s all her fault. 

Maternity clothes?
Of course.  Maternity clothes and a rekindled love for fuzzy socks.

Sleep:
Yes, please.

Best moment this week: A snow storm that blanketed the entire yard. =)  We got about 6” and it made me happy to see all white and no dead grass poking up through the ice. 

Movement
: This child.  Sigh.  I need to name her whatever means “jumps around constantly” or “won’t ever sit still.”  Even Dr. M has commented on how active she is.  Reassuring, yes.  Exhausting, yes, too. 

Labor Signs/Body Changes of Note: I have started yet another blood pressure medicine, but this one seems to be working (for now).  Supposedly, this one (Labetalol) works in a different capacity than my other two, so it should stay effective longer.  Here’s hoping.  My blood pressure has been good, and a week on bedrest has shown us that this is indeed the route to take right now.  Staying off my feet = no contractions = good BP = no hospital.  That is what we want. 

Belly Button in or out
? Out-ish.  Things are a-changing.

What I miss
: Sleeping on my stomach, and eating freely without worrying about heartburn.
 
What I am looking forward to: the birth of my dear friend Mandie’s Baby Bumblebee.

Stats: B/P: 122/64; BG heartrate: 150; urine: clear (no trace protein); cervix: 3.5

Monday, February 1, 2010

Happy February 1st!

What I’m looking forward to this month:

  • dinner with friends, sans kiddos, to kick off the month
  • Anna Claire’s birthday party, and finally – FINALLY – getting to meet Christy
  • some time at home with my favorite mother-in-law
  • hitting the third trimester!

And not that this is something I’m in any hurry to tackle for this V-Day….but I just had to share the adorableness that are these shirts that Denise made for her girls:

denise - tees
I LOVE them, and can’t wait for the day when my little baby girl is big enough to sport something so yummy!

What are you looking forward to this month?