Wednesday, September 16, 2009

No fear

Do y'all remember that slogan?  Was it Nike?  I don't even remember the time frame -- maybe junior high? -- that "NO FEAR" was all the rage.  And considering that, for me, junior high was all about crushing on Robbie Beat and growing my hair out long enough to use coordinating ribbons with my cheerleading uniform, I can't say that I even understood the hype behind the slogan.

But now?  Staring down the reality of my fifth pregnancy in just over two years?  The phrase "no fear" has revitalized meaning for me.

I was so very terrified when I learned of my fourth pregnancy.  I wasn't ready; I wasn't excited; I wasn't much of anything, except scared, and wishing that I could turn back time. 
The Lord has really sheltered my heart from feeling any guilt over the reality of those emotions.  I know that my fear didn't diminish my love for my son.

But with this new life growing inside of me, I can honestly say that I have no fear.  Only joy.  I am confident.  I am excited.  I already have the feeling that our family will be complete with the arrival of this baby.  Oh, I still think we are open to adoption down the road -- but as far as conceiving and birthing and what not -- I know that this is it for us, and I'm relishing each moment of this -- my fifth and final -- pregnancy.

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